IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words. Write about the following topic: The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#minutes #topic #consideration #career #job #income
It is widely accepted that, for most
people
, their daily working lives will not be spent in their dream jobs. Despite
this
, I do not feel that
people
 should
instead
 prioritise becoming a high earner
above all
 other concerns.
To begin
 with, I strongly believe that
people
 need stimulation in their daily working lives in order to feel a sense of reward. Very few of us can go through an entire career staying in a position or an industry that we find boring purely for the financial incentive.
Secondly
, there are so many
people
 who see their working life as a search for fulfilment and contentment in helping others, rather than a search for wealth. It seems unlikely that the priority for, say, every nurse or teacher in the world is to become well-off, and jobs
such
 as these are rarely extremely well-paid. Despite
this
, some would argue that those
people
 who have families to support should always prioritise earning a high income; after all, it means securing their children’s future. Others point out that, as the job market becomes increasingly unstable across the globe, it is vital to earn more and
therefore
 save more.
However
, I do not agree that a good salary should necessarily be the number one concern for everyone. Too many
people
 become preoccupied with the next pay rise or career move, and eventually become unhappy or even depressed, neither of which helps them to save or to provide for their family. In summary, earning as much money as is humanly possible should not be anyone’s main concern. Granted, it arguably brings financial stability, for individuals and for their families, but it is simply not worth tolerating a lifetime of unhappiness at work purely for the money.
Submitted by aakbarov2010 on

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task response
The essay could benefit from adding more specific examples to strengthen the points made. For instance, providing real-world examples or anecdotes about individuals who prioritize job satisfaction over income could add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs to make the flow between points even smoother. Although the essay is already cohesive, this could further improve readability.
task response
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion on the topic, effectively presenting both sides of the argument before concluding with a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, setting up the discussion well and summarizing the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and well-supported, making it easy to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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