Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are good at or find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give more options.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #options

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Some individuals agree that

adoloscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

should

study

Use synonyms

all

subjects

Use synonyms

in school,

while

Linking Words

others say that it would be better if they

concentrate

Wrong verb form

concentrated

show examples

only on their favourite

subjects

Use synonyms

. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, many

people

Use synonyms

think that it is important for teenagers to

study

Use synonyms

all the

subjects

Use synonyms

that are taught in schools

because of

Change preposition

for

show examples

different reasons. Having at least the crucial information about various fields enhances

person's

Correct article usage

a person's

show examples

worldview, helps to handle different situations and makes

person

Correct article usage

a person

show examples

way more intelligent rather than those who prefer to focus on only some particular

subjects

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

type of

people

Use synonyms

have more friends as society finds them quite interesting.

However

Linking Words

, when

this

Linking Words

type of students get older, they tend to have a better position in professional life and

get

Verb problem

become

show examples

very successful. Recent studies show that 87.4% of

people

Use synonyms

who own good positions in different areas are

people

Use synonyms

who are open-minded and are good not only at science

subjects

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

at literature, music,arts and so on.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, teenagers are very sensitive and dramatic, they get tired or bored

Change preposition

with

show examples

everything

immediatly

Correct your spelling

immediately

, so it is not that easy to interest them. From

this

Linking Words

point of view, it is obvious that, if teens are not interested in something, they will not try hard in that. But, if they feel passionate about something, they are more likely to have

a better results

Correct the article-noun agreement

better results

a better result

show examples

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, they should be allowed to

study

Use synonyms

what they like more.

Statictics

Correct your spelling

Statistics

demonstrate that 78.5% of successful

people

Use synonyms

achieved their goal

due to

Linking Words

interest

Correct article usage

the interest

show examples

and passion that they felt about their area of

study

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

again justifies that they should not be made to learn what they do not prefer as it will be just a waste of time.

To conclude

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

find learning all school

subjects

Use synonyms

adoloscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

compulsory,

due to

Linking Words

being more

informated

Correct your spelling

informed

information

about everything,

while

Linking Words

others state that it is more

recomendable

Correct your spelling

recommended

to let them

study

Use synonyms

only the

subjects

Use synonyms

they want, at least, because they would not show great results if they were made to do something they do not like.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Fri Aug 30 2024

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task achievement

Try to further develop the points and provide more specific examples or evidence to fully illustrate your arguments. This can help in making your essay more convincing and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using a variety of cohesive devices can help to better organize the flow of ideas and improve the overall coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious about spelling and grammar errors such as 'adoloscents' which should be 'adolescents', or 'immediatly' which should be 'immediately'. While these do not significantly affected your score, improving these aspects will enhance readability.

task achievement

The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument effectively, bringing balance to the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing an adequate summary without diverging from the main topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are good at or find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give more options.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The impact that growing demand for more flights has had on the environment is a major concern for many countries. Some people believe that one way to limit the number of people traveling by air is to increase taxes on flights. To what extent do you think this could solve the problem?

Inmany countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.