Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are good at or find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give more options.

Some individuals agree that
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
should
study
all
subjects
in school,
while
others say that it would be better if they
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
only on their favourite
subjects
.  On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, many
people
think that it is important for teenagers to
study
all the
subjects
that are taught in schools
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
different reasons. Having at least the crucial information about various fields enhances
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
worldview, helps to handle different situations and makes
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
way more intelligent rather than those who prefer to focus on only some particular
subjects
.
Moreover
,
this
type of
people
have more friends as society finds them quite interesting.
However
, when
this
type of students get older, they tend to have a better position in professional life and
get
Verb problem
become
show examples
very successful. Recent studies show that 87.4% of
people
who own good positions in different areas are
people
who are open-minded and are good not only at science
subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
at literature, music,arts and so on.
On the other hand
, teenagers are very sensitive and dramatic, they get tired or bored
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
everything
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
, so it is not that easy to interest them. From
this
point of view, it is obvious that, if teens are not interested in something, they will not try hard in that. But, if they feel passionate about something, they are more likely to have
a better results
Correct the article-noun agreement
better results
a better result
show examples
.
For
this
reason, they should be allowed to
study
what they like more.
Statictics
Correct your spelling
Statistics
demonstrate that 78.5% of successful
people
achieved their goal
due to
interest
Correct article usage
the interest
show examples
and passion that they felt about their area of
study
.
This
again justifies that they should not be made to learn what they do not prefer as it will be just a waste of time.
To conclude
, some
people
find learning all school
subjects
by
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
compulsory,
due to
being more
informated
Correct your spelling
informed
information
about everything,
while
others state that it is more
recomendable
Correct your spelling
recommended
to let them
study
only the
subjects
they want, at least, because they would not show great results if they were made to do something they do not like.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Try to further develop the points and provide more specific examples or evidence to fully illustrate your arguments. This can help in making your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using a variety of cohesive devices can help to better organize the flow of ideas and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about spelling and grammar errors such as 'adoloscents' which should be 'adolescents', or 'immediatly' which should be 'immediately'. While these do not significantly affected your score, improving these aspects will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument effectively, bringing balance to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing an adequate summary without diverging from the main topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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