IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that museum should be free where as others opine that some entry fee should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #museum #opine #entry #fee
In
this
 contemporary world,it is argued that the public has to pay to view works of
art
,
while
 others agree that admission to museums should be free. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, it is confirmed that entrance to the museum must be paid since the state spends a huge amount of cash on maintaining artworks. Specifically, technical equipment (CCTV cameras, impenetrable glass) and salaries for employees (guides, security guards).
Also
, the public should invest
money
 in
art
, as scientists need to organize excursions and expeditions, look for interesting artefacts and ancient jewellery and simply approve their theories with scientific facts.
Moreover
, special conditions are needed to preserve exhibits,
such
 as humidity and lighting. And, of course, restoration work is very expensive.
In other words
, contributing
money
 to museums helps support them.
On the other hand
, others believe that entrance to
art
galleries
 should be free, since not everyone has enough
money
 to afford to visit
galleries
, even if it is a small amount of cash. States should create
such
 opportunities in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all people who want to visit them.
Moreover
, free entrance to
art
galleries
 helps educate a huge audience, both adults and children. In conclusion,
while
 some confirm that gallery admission should be without payment
due to
 the fact to educate as many people as possible, I would
also
 argue that museums must receive
money
 from the public
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
art
galleries
 need cash to support themselves.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both views and giving a personal opinion. However, consider including more specific examples to support your points and enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the next. The transition between the paragraphs discussing the support for paid entry and free entry could be smoother. Using transitional phrases more effectively would improve coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss, which provides a good framework for the reader.
logical structure
Each body paragraph is focused on a single main idea, making the essay easy to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points discussed and clearly states your opinion, providing closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public engagement
  • financial sustainability
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • educational experiences
  • exhibits
  • new acquisitions
  • economic accessibility
  • culture and history
  • equality
  • perceived value
  • tourism
  • downstream economic benefits
  • operational costs
  • staffing
  • security
  • maintenance
  • inclusivity
  • cultural opportunities
  • special exhibits
  • resources
  • crowds
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