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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It's
convinced
Correct word choice
clear
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 that
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 week should
last
Linking Words
 shorter and
workers
Use synonyms
 should have a longer
weekend
Use synonyms
, primarily
due to
Linking Words
 the higher working hours and stress in recent days. From my perspective, I believe getting enough
rest
Use synonyms
 is really vital for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason that I think
workers
Use synonyms
 should have a longer
dayoff
Correct your spelling
day off
 is
I
Correct word choice
that I
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consider that
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance is really crucial for not only individuals but
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as a whole.
For instance
Linking Words
, with a longer
weekend
Use synonyms
, people can pursue their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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, exercise, or get enough
rest
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. Studies have shown that mental health has
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 impact on
worker's
Check wording
workers'
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 performance, with 20% higher efficiency after getting enough
rest
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 and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
. Apart from that, since more and more people
experienced
Wrong verb form
are experiencing
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 mental
illness
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illnesses
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 like anxiety, depression, and so on nowadays, we should raise awareness that working for a long period has negative implications for our physical and mental health.
As a result
Linking Words
, if individuals have more time to rewind after a hustle and bustle week,
people
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can live a healthier life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society can alleviate the
problem
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 of mental illness.
Body paragraph 2
It can't be denied that shortening working hours will cause some problems to companies,
for example
Linking Words
,
there's
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
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 no chefs
of
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or
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 servers working at the restaurants
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends, or it's hard for colleges to find the data they need
due to
Linking Words
 the absence of the worker who
owned
Wrong verb form
owns
show examples
 that file.
However
Linking Words
, with AI and robots weaving into the fabric of our daily lives, I believe they can contribute to the reduction of the
problem
Use synonyms
 in lacking labor force
to
Check wording
shortage to
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 some extent. Apart from that, as for the second
problem
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 mentioned above,
instead
Linking Words
 of having one more holiday, companies can turn to applying the standards of working from home, which is a way that lots of entities apply nowadays, as a method to deal with
workeres'
Correct your spelling
workers'
 demand in
rest
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, having
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
weekend
Use synonyms
 can not only help
workers
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 find the
balnce
Correct your spelling
balance
 in life and
works
Check wording
work
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, but
also
Linking Words
 deal with the prevalent
problem
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mental
disorder
Check wording
disorders
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 comprehend that it's a risky and difficult change for companies to give
workers
Use synonyms
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
weekend
Use synonyms
;
hence
Linking Words
, they can start
with dealing
Correct word order
by dealing with
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 the issue step by step, like
utilizing
Change the spelling
utilising
show examples
 AI and establishing the standards of working from home from the very
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say directly that you agree, then keep this same view through the essay.
task response
Develop each main point further. Explain exactly how more rest can improve health, family life, and work results.
task response
Your example about “20% higher efficiency” is not explained or linked to a real study. Use a clear, simple example, such as a worker who has time to sleep, exercise, and return to work with more energy.
task response
The paragraph about company problems is useful, but AI and work from home do not fully solve problems such as restaurants needing staff at the weekend. Give a more direct answer, such as different workers having different days off.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: view, reasons, other side, and ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First,” “As a result,” “However,” and “For this reason.” Do not use “Apart from that” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and contain many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words consistent. Use “longer weekend”, “shorter working week”, and “workers” in the same way. Avoid unclear phrases such as “rewind after a hustle and bustle week.”
task response
You answer the question and clearly support a shorter working week. Your points about rest, mental health, and work-life balance are relevant.
task response
You also consider the other side by discussing possible problems for companies. This makes your response more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the reader a clear overall shape.
coherence and cohesion
You often show cause and result clearly, for example by linking more rest with better health and better work performance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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