IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It has often been suggested that the reintroduction of capital punishment would deter the ever-increasing rate of serious crime. What is your view? Do you think that capital punishment should be reinstated?

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Facing increasing numbers of serious crimes has become a major issue that tremendously affects society. Many people argue that applying the death penalty will help to face increasing
crime
Use synonyms
 frequency. I strongly believe that putting strict rules
as
Change preposition
on
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 execution will be a deterrent to any offender;
however
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, there are other considerations that have to be taken into consideration. On the one hand, most people are afraid of the law and the police.
That is
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 why putting strict roles massively reduces the incidences of
crime
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. capital punishment is not only a way to apply justice but
also
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 a frightening fate to any criminal individual who admits any heinous
crime
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.
Moreover
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, implementing capital law aids in making society safer and cutting off
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of murders, child abuse, and sexual harassment.
For instance
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, research conducted at Harvard University in 2010 showed that the number of murders in countries that implement execution is less than 40% of countries that do not implement
this
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 punishment.
On the other hand
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, not all criminals should penalized with execution, as punishment has to be as dire as the
crime
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. Many offenders may commit a
crime
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due to
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 compelling circumstances.
For example
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, a lot of murderers commit murders to protect themselves from other offenders.
Additionally
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, there are less severe crimes that should be penalized in other ways than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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death sentences,
such
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 as robbery, verbal harassment, and fraud. To illustrate, imprisonment is a fair fate for those criminals,
also
Linking Words
 the engagement of those offenders in special organizations, where they will be psychologically prepared, help them to be productive people in society.
To conclude
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, modern societies have suffered from increasing numbers of
crime
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 rates, which pose enormous negative consequences and require immediate attention from governments. Death statements should be reinstated to deter those criminals.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear argument for the reintroduction of capital punishment and presents valid points. However, it can benefit from deeper engagement with opposing viewpoints to offer a more balanced discussion. Considering arguments against capital punishment in more depth would improve the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure and has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Utilizing more transitional phrases can enhance the flow of the essay and improve coherence and cohesion.
general
Ensure consistency in the use of capitalization and punctuation. For example, 'capital punishment' should be capitalized consistently, and there should be uniformity in the use of commas to separate clauses.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction that sets the stage for your argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the Harvard University study, which adds credibility and supports your arguments well.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and presented logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reintroduction
  • capital punishment
  • deter
  • serious crime
  • controversial
  • argument
  • deterrent
  • potential criminals
  • heinous act
  • justice
  • human rights
  • government
  • execute
  • innocent individuals
  • legal system
  • wrongful convictions
  • alternatives
  • life imprisonment
  • parole
  • rectifying
  • emerges
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