IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of
employed
Add an article
an employed
the employed
show examples
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occupation type and sex for Australia
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 5 of 7 job types
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of men was greater than women. There was
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 difference
number
Use synonyms
 of
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
males worker
Fix the agreement mistake
male workers
show examples
 in the types of
Managgers
Correct your spelling
managers
, Tradespeople and Production.
Unit
Add an article
The unit
show examples
 was measured by 1000s.
Males
Use synonyms
were tend
Change the verb form
tended
show examples
 to be
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 three times
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Tradespeople
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most significant difference,
males
Use synonyms
 are 8 times more in than women, which was by 100 to 900. In
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
field
Add a comma
field,
show examples
 it can be observed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
smiliar
Correct your spelling
similar
 pattern,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of female workers was 100 and
males
Use synonyms
just
Add a missing verb
was just
show examples
 over 500.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, count of employed women in semiprofessionals and
laboures
Correct your spelling
labourers
 are fewer than men.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Female professionals are greater than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, which is 600 and between 500 and 600, respectively.
Highest
Add an article
The highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of people worked as clerical compared to
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the job types.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of female clerical
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 greater than
count
Add an article
the count
a count
show examples
 of men.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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