Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
age and day, university
education
plays a pivotal role in our life
, considering Fix the agreement mistake
lives
necessary
requirements for Correct article usage
the necessary
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
of
human resources. Some people believe that Change preposition
apply
students
should pay the total cost for their own study
as higher Fix the agreement mistake
studies
education
programs profit individuals more than society
. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this
statement.
On the one hand, I admit that university
education
benefits individuals more to some extent.
Choosing continuous study after finishing general education
facilitates students
to develop not only their knowledge but also
their social skills. In 18s
, a child can have a full physical development, but they have a little bit of life experience. In Correct article usage
the 18s
university
, they have an opportunity to expand social circles and learn from others' experiences. Lecturers are people who are good at multidisciplinary, so besides
academic knowledge, they can impart students
Change preposition
to students
their
huge amount of understanding about sociality, Change the word
a
economy
, politics, and international. Correct article usage
the economy
Additionally
, after graduating, asking for teacher’s
guidance, Correct article usage
a teacher’s
students
can apply in
their own Change preposition
to
university
to become the next lecture generation for maintaining teaching programs. This
job certainly brings them dream incomes.
On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that it is incontrovertible for the importance of university
education
to society
. In the current process of global integration and knowledge economy, training high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
labor
needs to be a priority. Change the spelling
labour
However
, numerous students
, especially in rural areas can afford their tuition fee
. Fix the agreement mistake
fees
Government
should have more policies and scholarships to encourage learning. Correct article usage
The government
This
helps enhance citizen’s
awareness, decrease Fix the agreement mistake
citizens’
unemployment
rate and decline social evils like crime, Correct article usage
the unemployment
thief
, Correct your spelling
theft
violence
. Not only developing Correct word choice
and violence
society
, but also
other fields like economy, medical
, law,... are inherited benefits from Replace the word
medicine
university
education
. Therefore
, our country will become more and more civilized and flourish.
In conclusion, with the huge advantages for society
and country, I espouse the notion that university
education
and tuition supports
are advantages based on Fix the agreement mistake
support
aforementioned
reasons.Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point that is developed fully before moving on.
task achievement
Try to include more concrete examples to substantiate your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next. Work on logical connectors to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. The introduction should set the stage more clearly, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your key points.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is excellent for presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides structure to your response.
coherence cohesion
Your language use indicates a fair grasp of English and the ability to express complex ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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