IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 age and day,
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, considering
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 requirements for
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human resources. Some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should pay the total cost for their own
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 as higher
education
Use synonyms
 programs profit individuals more than
society
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand, I admit that
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 benefits individuals more to some extent. Choosing continuous study after finishing general
education
Use synonyms
 facilitates
students
Use synonyms
 to develop not only their knowledge but
also
Linking Words
 their social skills. In
18s
Correct article usage
the 18s
show examples
, a child can have a full physical development, but they have a little bit of life experience. In
university
Use synonyms
, they have an opportunity to expand social circles and learn from others' experiences. Lecturers are people who are good at multidisciplinary, so
besides
Linking Words
 academic knowledge, they can impart
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
to students
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 huge amount of understanding about sociality,
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, politics, and international.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after graduating, asking for
teacher’s
Correct article usage
a teacher’s
show examples
 guidance,
students
Use synonyms
 can apply
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their own
university
Use synonyms
 to become the next lecture generation for maintaining teaching programs.
This
Linking Words
 job certainly brings them dream incomes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that it is incontrovertible for the importance of
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 to
society
Use synonyms
. In the current process of global integration and knowledge economy, training
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 needs to be a priority.
However
Linking Words
, numerous
students
Use synonyms
, especially in rural areas can afford their tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should have more policies and scholarships to encourage learning.
This
Linking Words
 helps enhance
citizen’s
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens’
show examples
 awareness, decrease
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate and decline social evils like crime,
thief
Correct your spelling
theft
show examples
,
violence
Correct word choice
and violence
show examples
. Not only developing
society
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 other fields like economy,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, law,... are inherited benefits from
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, our country will become more and more civilized and flourish. In conclusion, with the huge advantages for
society
Use synonyms
 and country, I espouse the notion that
university
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education
Use synonyms
 and tuition
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
are advantages based on
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 reasons.

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task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point that is developed fully before moving on.
task achievement
Try to include more concrete examples to substantiate your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next. Work on logical connectors to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. The introduction should set the stage more clearly, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your key points.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is excellent for presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides structure to your response.
coherence cohesion
Your language use indicates a fair grasp of English and the ability to express complex ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
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