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Band 4.5

These dats people are using the internet for shopping, work and to communicate with others without the need for face to face meetings. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#dats #people #internet #work #face #meetings #outweigh
These days, several
amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
show examples
 of people are using different platforms to purchase
prouducts
Correct your spelling
products
 that
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 want to have.
Also
 to chat with loved ones, and
esaily
Correct your spelling
easily
 working through the internet. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 trend.
Firstly
, one of the
negativity
Replace the word
negatives
show examples
 is
danger
Add an article
a danger
the danger
show examples
 of shopping online, many individuals spend most
ot
Correct your spelling
of
 their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying things
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 accounts, and other sites for purchasing items.
This
 can lead to many problems
such
 as banking information being stolen by hackers.
Also
,become addicted to shopping online.
For example
, my sister tand to love to acquire clothes from different
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
, as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 her bank personal information
have been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 hacked and they stole all
her
Change the word
the
show examples
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 that was
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 her card.
Therefore
,
peoole
Correct your spelling
people
 need to be more careful
whan
Correct your spelling
when
 using
those virtual network
Change the determiner
that virtual network
those virtual networks
show examples
.
However
, the
postivity
Correct your spelling
positivity
 of operating online
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 numerous. One of the first is easily to communicate with others. With the help of the
network
Add a comma
network,
show examples
 many families
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 outside the country can Interact with others in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way, and very fast.
For instance
, my aunt lives in Canada,and I stay
her
Correct your spelling
here
show examples
 in Oman
whan
Correct your spelling
when
 I miss her and want to
speke
Correct your spelling
speak
 to her.I
call
Wrong verb form
called
show examples
 her by
application
Add an article
an application
show examples
 called Zoom.
Additionall
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
due to
worl possibilites
Correct your spelling
world possibilities
 companies are able to save time,
rantal
Correct your spelling
rental
, and
maka
Correct your spelling
make
 operations more profitable.
Furthermore
, there are many problems have been solved. A good illustration of
this
 is,
pollution
Correct word choice
that pollution
show examples
 and traffic are done away with fewer people
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
 to work.
Moreover
, As life progresses, the number of Internet features increases, which indicates the positives.
To sum up
,
although
 using
wab
Change the capitalization
Wab
show examples
 has some
disadvantatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
such
 as digital shopping,I think that it proves
ro
Correct your spelling
to
 be the best way of reaching out to others. And
also
 a way to resolve challenges as work-related and the environment.
Submitted by emannabilalmanthari on

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will help to improve the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively to ensure that your main points are fully explained and supported.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences and concluding sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with examples or evidence. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
task achievement
You have provided relevant specific examples to support some of your points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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