Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others believe that zoos are beneficial for the conservation of endangered species. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #zoos #conservation #species

In many countries,

zoos

are great attraction points. In that respect,

while

some people believe that keeping

animals

in cages for entertainment is a ruthless practice, others argue that

zoos

contribute to

protection

Add an article

the protection

show examples

of endangered

animals

. In my opinion, I completely agree that

zoos

are

definetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

merciless places and shouldn't exist.

Firstly

animals

belong to nature, not to small cages where they can barely move.

Zoos

often don't allocate large spaces for

animals

, causing them to feel stressed and anxious since they are used to

live

Wrong verb form

living

show examples

in large habitats

such

as savannahs and forests.

For instance

, in many

zoos

, large

african

Change the capitalization

African

show examples

elephants, which are one of the biggest

animals

on land, live in areas usually smaller than an acre.

Secondly

, keeping endangered

animals

zoos

is not the best solution for protecting them. Creating large protected natural reserves is

much

Correct article usage

a much

show examples

more effective method to conserve wildlife as

animals

can live freely without any human disturbance. In Serengeti National Park, various species can continue their existence and breed in a large and healthy ecosystem, promoting a larger extent of conversation.

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advanced technologies

such

as artificial intelligence can be utilized for surveillance in untrodden environments to protect

animals

instead

of keeping them in closed spaces cruelly. In conclusion,

while

the existence of

zoos

is considered beneficial as they can help to protect species, I strongly believe that they are

unhumane

Correct your spelling

inhumane

because

animals

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

live like prisoners behind

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bars and

zoos

are not the only way to protect

animals

Submitted by kalkan_emre on Sat Aug 31 2024

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task achievement

Consider refining your argument slightly further by addressing counterarguments in a more detailed manner. This will strengthen your position by demonstrating your ability to engage with opposing viewpoints.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, you could use more transition words and phrases to better guide the reader through your points. This will improve the flow of your writing.

language

There are several minor grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'definetly' should be 'definitely' and 'unhumane' should be 'inhumane'). Proofreading will help in making your essay more polished.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, making your argument clear from the beginning and summarizing it effectively at the end.

task achievement

You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas that directly address the prompt, showing a strong understanding of the task.

task achievement

The use of relevant and specific examples, such as the African elephants and Serengeti National Park, strengthens your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

confinement
enclosures
natural habitats
psychological stress
abnormal behaviors
ethical considerations
captivity
conservation efforts
breeding programs
endangered species
population numbers
valuable resource
research and education
wildlife conservation
rehabilitation
rescue
injured or abandoned animals

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Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others believe that zoos are beneficial for the conservation of endangered species. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

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Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinions.