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Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others believe that zoos are beneficial for the conservation of endangered species. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #zoos #conservation #species
In many countries,
zoos
 are great attraction points. In that respect,
while
 some people believe that keeping
animals
 in cages for entertainment is a ruthless practice, others argue that
zoos
 contribute to
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of endangered
animals
. In my opinion, I completely agree that
zoos
 are
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 merciless places and shouldn't exist.
Firstly
,
animals
 belong to nature, not to small cages where they can barely move.
Zoos
 often don't allocate large spaces for
animals
, causing them to feel stressed and anxious since they are used to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in large habitats
such
 as savannahs and forests.
For instance
, in many
zoos
, large
african
Change the capitalization
African
show examples
 elephants, which are one of the biggest
animals
 on land, live in areas usually smaller than an acre.
Secondly
, keeping endangered
animals
 in
zoos
 is not the best solution for protecting them. Creating large protected natural reserves is
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 more effective method to conserve wildlife as
animals
 can live freely without any human disturbance. In Serengeti National Park, various species can continue their existence and breed in a large and healthy ecosystem, promoting a larger extent of conversation.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced technologies
such
 as artificial intelligence can be utilized for surveillance in untrodden environments to protect
animals
,
instead
 of keeping them in closed spaces cruelly. In conclusion,
while
 the existence of
zoos
 is considered beneficial as they can help to protect species, I strongly believe that they are
unhumane
Correct your spelling
inhumane
 because
animals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live like prisoners behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars and
zoos
 are not the only way to protect
animals
.
Submitted by kalkan_emre on

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task achievement
Consider refining your argument slightly further by addressing counterarguments in a more detailed manner. This will strengthen your position by demonstrating your ability to engage with opposing viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, you could use more transition words and phrases to better guide the reader through your points. This will improve the flow of your writing.
language
There are several minor grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'definetly' should be 'definitely' and 'unhumane' should be 'inhumane'). Proofreading will help in making your essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, making your argument clear from the beginning and summarizing it effectively at the end.
task achievement
You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas that directly address the prompt, showing a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples, such as the African elephants and Serengeti National Park, strengthens your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • confinement
  • enclosures
  • natural habitats
  • psychological stress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • conservation efforts
  • breeding programs
  • endangered species
  • population numbers
  • valuable resource
  • research and education
  • wildlife conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • rescue
  • injured or abandoned animals
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