IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discus both attitude and give your opinion.

#people #places #visit #food #discus #attitude
Nowadays, many people
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 try new
things
,
for
example
, travelling and new types of food.
However
, others prefer to stick with familiar
things
. I personally enjoy travelling and trying new foods.
Firstly
, trying new
things
 can broaden your vision.
For instance
, travelling
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 countries can give
Add an article
a valuation
show examples
valuation
Replace the word
value
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your homeland
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
For
example
, you can start to look differently
education
Change preposition
at education
show examples
, social security and working conditions.
For instance
, different
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 can give you new spices and recipes to explore.
However
 trying new
things
 demands courage,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not easy to explore different
things
. That said, leaving
familar
Correct your spelling
familiar
things
 behind can be pretty exciting and
also
 scary.
On the other hand
, doing familiar
things
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 people
feeling
Add an article
a feeling
the feeling
show examples
 of safety,
also
 structure for
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
 life.
For
example
, you have
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 job and income for starting a family and raising
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
.
Thus
, there is nothing wrong
to spend
Change preposition
with spending
show examples
 a lifetime at home.
For
example
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 lots of people who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to be at home.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important to have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 social circle of friends and family. To summarise, both lifestyles have their advantages.
Nevertheless
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally fall for exploring new
things
while
 travelling because of the delight excitement and learning
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new
things
.
Submitted by paronen91 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more effectively by using clear paragraphs for each main point and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Try to fully develop your main points with more details and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your personal opinion, making it clear to the reader what the essay will discuss.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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