Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is increasingly observed that
students
in this
modern age have opportunities to engage in international exchange students
Change the noun form
student
programs
. While
some might argue that this
phenomenon can bring detrimental impacts, I believe that these drawbacks are outweighed by the merits.
Granted, there are some justifiable reasons to say that it is disadvantageous to take part in global exchanging peers programs
. Chief of these is that culture shock could occur as an impedance to actively engaging to
activities. Since each nation has its own specific cultural identity, being exposed to a new one could create Change preposition
in
a
confusion among Remove the article
apply
students
, leading to depression and other mental problems
if not be
prepared carefully before Unnecessary verb
apply
trip
. Add an article
the trip
Additionally
, health problems
could arise when moving to another countries
. Take, Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
for example
, a student in hot
climate Add an article
a hot
such
as Vietnam who moves to cold temperatures countries
Change preposition
in countries
such
as Canada may come down with flu, incessant headache as well as
digestive problems
for distinctive cuisine. However
, these problems
will be likely to overcome
if the Add a missing verb
be overcome
students
spend time exploring a
general information Remove the article
apply
of
the destination and take along extra painkillers, food and necessities.
Change preposition
about
Therefore
, there are more compelling reasons to say that students
could get the fruits from such
trips. One key reasons
is that Change to a singular noun
reason
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners
are having
the Wrong verb form
have
chances
to broaden their horizons. A new destination with a different culture and traditions allows Fix the agreement mistake
chance
students
to experience global interaction, making their knowledge diverse and gaining new perspectives. Furthermore
, students
could develop valuable soft skills
. That students
have to be active in their daily tasks and do not depend on others when joining exchanging
Wrong verb form
exchange
programs
gives them a sense of independence. Similarly
, working with other peers fosters communication and cooperation skills
, acting as precious skills
needed for later careers.
In conclusion, whilst taking part in worldwide exchanging
student Wrong verb form
exchange
programs
may bring some negatives such
as culture shock and health problems
, they pale in comparison to the positives which are the new perspectives and skills
featured in comprising citizens.Submitted by ngocthuykatie on
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task achievement
To improve the essay, ensure a more thorough and clear explanation of the ideas presented. For example, explicitly connecting how international exchange visits can lead to skill development and providing more detailed examples can enhance clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, work on smoothing out transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using transitional phrases and making the logical connections between points more explicit can aid in better flow and understanding for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are supported with examples, which adds depth to the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question effectively, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of international exchange visits for students.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example