In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is increasingly observed that taking a
job
right away from high school graduation is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
enrolling in
university
courses.
While
I acknowledge that Granted, there are some justifiable reasons to explain why
students
are more inclined to start starting a
job
. Chief of these is that it could relieve
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
burden for
students
who are underprivileged. Since
university
admission
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
are likely not to be affordable for some families in rural areas,
for example
, joining the workforce could provide them monthly money to support their families and basic needs, not reliant on parents to be financially
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
stressed to pay for them.
Additionally
,
job
seekers could gain valuable hands-on experience from these jobs. Practical experiences are usually attracted by
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
employers who prioritize workers to have a specific experience in the selected work field before, in which employees can prove their quality and could probably be given more opportunities to get promotion.
However
, these lines of reasoning are relatively flawed, since there are some jobs requiring qualified certification and their apprenticeship at school
such
as doctors and nurses, which are limited by
this
type of workers.
Therefore
, there are more compelling reasons to say that
university
enrollment is a better choice for having a successful career. One key reason is that learners will be adapted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
comprehensive knowledge. Since four-year learning at
university
or college provides
students
with fundamental to
majored
Replace the word
major
show examples
knowledge with frequent assessments,
students
can consolidate and revise their knowledge, generating a source of fully knowledgeable labour.
Furthermore
, a learning environment could benefit
students
on the path of learning. Teamwork activities through presentation and research conducting
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
students
to gain more soft skills,
such
as communication and negotiation, which are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prerequisite
Fix the agreement mistake
prerequisites
show examples
for joining
this
competitive workforce. In conclusion,
although
job
hunters right after graduation could gain monetary support and hands-on experience, these factors pale in comparison to pursuing a conventional approach which is higher education, which could have a positive bearing on their long-term career success.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is incomplete and lacks clarity. Present a clear stance at the beginning to outline your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should discuss a single main point and support it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented and reinforces your stance.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!