There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly argued whether non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

P.E

Correct your spelling

P.E.

or cookery should be eliminated from the group of compulsory

subjects

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school

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or not.

While

Linking Words

I acknowledge that core

subjects

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are vital for

students

Use synonyms

' future

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

, I believe that non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

should be kept and taught at

school

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. Granted, there are some justifiable reasons to say that non-academic

subjects

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are often perceived as less important than core

subjects

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. Chief of these is that

students

Use synonyms

could lay the foundation that the workforce

request

Fix the agreement mistake

requests

show examples

. Since the majority of job opportunities require fundamental knowledge,

such

Linking Words

as analysis and language, having

a sound knowledge

Remove the article

sound knowledge

a piece of sound knowledge

show examples

and

obtain

Wrong verb form

obtaining

show examples

high-qualified

Correct your spelling

highly qualified

show examples

certificate specialized in these

subjects

Use synonyms

school

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will make the

students

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stand out other competitors at

Remove the article

apply

show examples

recruitment, resulting in higher chances of employment.

Additionally

Linking Words

students

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can spend more time on important

subjects

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. Removing non-academic

subjects

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offers

students

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more time so that they can

dedicate to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

delve deeper

Change preposition

into

show examples

their prioritized

subjects

Use synonyms

aligned to their potential career, leading to

a sound knowledge

Remove the article

sound knowledge

a piece of sound knowledge

show examples

and higher academic performance.

However

Linking Words

, these lines of reasoning are relatively flawed, as the ubiquity of technology has shared a part of

task

Fix the agreement mistake

tasks

show examples

office

Correct article usage

the office

show examples

, which aids

human

Correct article usage

the human

show examples

workplace by handling data and technical tasks that

conventionally

Add a missing verb

are conventionally

show examples

done by

human

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humans

show examples

, paving the way to focus more on creative and innovative jobs that technology cannot duplicate as the human ability.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe that there are more compelling reasons that

non-academic

Correct your spelling

non-academics

show examples

should be adopted into

Use synonyms

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

curriculum. One key reason is that it could offer a well-rounded development. Learning artistic

subjects

Use synonyms

could offer

students

Use synonyms

a break from their rigorous and hectic schedule at

school

Use synonyms

where they are able to be immersed in and relaxed through soothing melodies

Change preposition

show examples

Music

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

for example

Linking Words

, preventing them from being stressed and burnout.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

could be potential jobs. As not all

students

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are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

excel and have

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

in core

subjects

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, these optional

subjects

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provide them

alternative

Change preposition

with alternative

show examples

pathway

Fix the agreement mistake

pathways

show examples

and allow them to identify and nurture their passion for learning at

school

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, leading to more diverse and inclusive outcomes. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

compulsory

subjects

Use synonyms

are admittedly significant, including non-academic ones is

also

Linking Words

necessary to offer a more holistic development and potential employability.

ngocthuykatieSat Aug 31 2024

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task response

Your task response is good, addressing different viewpoints and providing a balanced discussion. However, some ideas could be developed further with more detailed analysis and more specific examples. This would help to make your argument more convincing and clear.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical structure is generally good, but occasionally the sentences are complex and could be simplified to enhance readability. Make sure each paragraph presents a single main idea clearly supported with relevant details.

general language usage

Try to maintain consistent verb tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout your essay. This will help improve clarity and precision in your writing.

task response

You have provided a balanced discussion, addressing different perspectives on the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and concise conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.

coherence cohesion

Your use of transitions helps to connect your ideas and paragraphs, contributing to the overall flow of the essay.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

364 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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