There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly argued whether non-academic
subjects
such
as P.E
or cookery should be eliminated from the group of compulsory Correct your spelling
P.E.
subjects
at school
or not. While
I acknowledge that core subjects
are vital for students
' future career
, I believe that non-academic Fix the agreement mistake
careers
subjects
should be kept and taught at school
.
Granted, there are some justifiable reasons to say that non-academic subjects
are often perceived as less important than core subjects
. Chief of these is that students
could lay the foundation that the workforce request
. Since the majority of job opportunities require fundamental knowledge, Fix the agreement mistake
requests
such
as analysis and language, having a sound knowledge
and Remove the article
sound knowledge
a piece of sound knowledge
obtain
a Wrong verb form
obtaining
high-qualified
certificate specialized in these Correct your spelling
highly qualified
subjects
at school
will make the students
stand out other competitors at a
recruitment, resulting in higher chances of employment. Remove the article
apply
Additionally
, students
can spend more time on important subjects
. Removing non-academic subjects
offers students
more time so that they can dedicate to
delve deeper Verb problem
apply
to
their prioritized Change preposition
into
subjects
aligned to their potential career, leading to a sound knowledge
and higher academic performance. Remove the article
sound knowledge
a piece of sound knowledge
However
, these lines of reasoning are relatively flawed, as the ubiquity of technology has shared a part of task
at Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
office
, which aids Correct article usage
the office
human
workplace by handling data and technical tasks that Correct article usage
the human
conventionally
done by Add a missing verb
are conventionally
human
, paving the way to focus more on creative and innovative jobs that technology cannot duplicate as the human ability.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Therefore
, I believe that there are more compelling reasons that non-academic
should be adopted into Correct your spelling
non-academics
school
curriculum. One key reason is that it could offer a well-rounded development. Learning artistic Add an article
the school
subjects
could offer students
a break from their rigorous and hectic schedule at school
where they are able to be immersed in and relaxed through soothing melodies at
Music Change preposition
in
lesson
, Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
for example
, preventing them from being stressed and burnout. Furthermore
, non-academic subjects
could be potential jobs. As not all students
are
excel and have Unnecessary verb
apply
interest
in core Correct article usage
an interest
subjects
, these optional subjects
provide them alternative
Change preposition
with alternative
pathway
and allow them to identify and nurture their passion for learning at Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
school
, leading to more diverse and inclusive outcomes.
In conclusion, although
compulsory subjects
are admittedly significant, including non-academic ones is also
necessary to offer a more holistic development and potential employability.Submitted by ngocthuykatie on
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task response
Your task response is good, addressing different viewpoints and providing a balanced discussion. However, some ideas could be developed further with more detailed analysis and more specific examples. This would help to make your argument more convincing and clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical structure is generally good, but occasionally the sentences are complex and could be simplified to enhance readability. Make sure each paragraph presents a single main idea clearly supported with relevant details.
general language usage
Try to maintain consistent verb tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout your essay. This will help improve clarity and precision in your writing.
task response
You have provided a balanced discussion, addressing different perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your use of transitions helps to connect your ideas and paragraphs, contributing to the overall flow of the essay.