All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There are a plethora of
countries
in the world and of course
they all are not the same. Different Add a comma
course,
countries
have their own diverse governments, therefore
people
seeing another country
’s living conditions, want to have such
rights and abilities. Because of this
some individuals think that governments should provide citizens Add a comma
this,
medical
help and Change preposition
with medical
education
for free. Personally
I fully agree with Add a comma
Personally,
this
statement.
First of all, healthcare is one of the most significant parts of residents’ quality of life. It provides a lot of abilities for people
when they get sick or just want to have a check up
of their health. Add a hyphen
check-up
Also
, women can track their pregnancy and also
give birth in local hospitals, without spending money on this
. Moreover
, if a person got
injured or illness and needs surgery, they can Wrong verb form
gets
also
get it for free, if they fit the quotes. Otherwise
, in countries
where people
have to pay for treatment, such
a situation would be harmful for
residents’ standard of living or even worse, increase the mortality rate. To set an example, in Change the preposition
to
Europe
there is paid medicine. Of Add a comma
Europe,
course
Add a comma
course,
people
have limited free healthcare options,
if they have medical insurance. So, if a person gets a serious illness, he needs to pay for medical treatment and usually Remove the comma
apply
such
options are high-priced.
Furthermore
, there are a plethora of people
who get below-average salary
, Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
thus
, when they need a cure or a remedy that usually has a high price, they would not be able to provide such
treatments for themselves. As a result
, they die or get a medical loan, which also
makes their financial situation worse. I believe that the government should invest in education
,
because it would provide them with more specialists in every sphere in the future. If every student Remove the comma
apply
will have
an opportunity to attend universities and get a diploma, notwithstanding their financial situation, Wrong verb form
had
then
the country
would have potential masters who will
work for the Wrong verb form
would
country
's development. Also
, there are a lot of grants and scholarships that make students’ lives better in a financial way.
I believe that politicians should provide more opportunities for teenagers to get free education
or at least scholarships,
since it will increase the number of educated Remove the comma
apply
people
in the country
. Moreover
, the government has to make admission to the university more realistic and easier for foreign students. For instance
, unfortunately, in poor countries
there is a free Add a comma
countries,
education
, but has low quality, and students usually do not go to the universities after school graduation, instead
of
Correct word choice
apply
Correct determiner usage
apply
this
, they prefer to work manual labour jobs and continue to live in poverty. However
, if every country
had a free education
, such
people
had
an opportunity to leave a poor Wrong verb form
would have
country
, get a good education
and diploma and start their life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
from
a new chapter.
To draw a conclusion, I believe that in the future there will be more places on the Earth where medicine and Change preposition
with
education
are free,
since it will decrease poverty and mortality rate. I think that day by day good Remove the comma
apply
education
and healthcare are becoming available only for rich people
and this
is unfair for poor people
. If the governments make one of the most crucial parts of residents' lives available for everyone, our world would become more equalSubmitted by tyurina.98 on
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task achievement
Your essay covers all parts of the prompt and presents a clear stance. However, it would benefit from a more thorough explanation of some ideas. For instance, the argument about free healthcare and education potentially leading to higher qualification of specialists could be expanded and supported with more specific examples or data.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs, a clearer distinction between your main points and supporting details would enhance logical flow. Additionally, try to avoid slight repetitions to maintain reader's interest throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
supported main points
You provide a variety of reasons to support your stance, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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