IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people want to buy famous brands ofclothes, carsand other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world with
dominance
Add an article
the dominance
a dominance
show examples
 of capitalism, many people buy more items than before, particularly luxury
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
brand name
Add a hyphen
brand-name
show examples
 clothes and cars. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 situation will be discussed in detail and examine whether
this
Linking Words
 can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 positive or negative consequences.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 individual behaviour, one of the key factors is high social
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the advancement of social media, people nowadays
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 influenced by others with high financial status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media.
Therefore
Linking Words
, owning some luxury
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 and showing
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 off will gain
respectance
Correct your spelling
respect
 and acceptance of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
marketing advertisements are sent directly to consumers, significantly
encoraging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 them to purchase more frequently.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are many potential
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 it provides.
On
Change preposition
From
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 social perspective,
this
Linking Words
apporach
Correct your spelling
approach
promoting
Wrong verb form
promotes
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 country's
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
, as an
increase
Use synonyms
 in
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 and rising
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 selling products.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to an
increase
Use synonyms
 in
productivity
Correct article usage
the productivity
show examples
 of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 and factories, thereby many companies tend to require more
workfores
Correct your spelling
workforces
workforce
, resulting in
increase
Use synonyms
employments
Change preposition
in employments
show examples
. On the individual side, owning
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
 items could be a
self-fulfillment
Change the spelling
self-fulfilment
show examples
 for someone, which gives them
feeling
Add an article
a feeling
the feeling
show examples
 of
satastification
Correct your spelling
stratification
sanctification
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can reduce large amounts of stress,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 who work in a stressful career
such
Linking Words
 as
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
,
lawyer
Fix the agreement mistake
lawyers
show examples
 or
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 behaviour can bring negative impacts.
For instance
Linking Words
, buying
an unnecessary and unaffordable items
Correct the article-noun agreement
unnecessary and unaffordable items
an unnecessary and unaffordable item
show examples
,
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 financial problems in individuals. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 situation offers both social and individual benefits
such
Linking Words
 as promoting social economic,
increase
Use synonyms
 in employment, serving as
self fulfillment
Add a hyphen
self-fulfillment
show examples
 and reducing stress.
While
Linking Words
, without careful thinking,
this
Linking Words
 causes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial issues, I firmly
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, try to organize your ideas more logically, ensuring smooth transitions between points and paragraphs.
task achievement
Supporting arguments with more specific and relevant examples can strengthen your points. Provide concrete instances or statistics to back up your statements.
task achievement
Proofreading for grammatical errors and typos can enhance your essay's readability and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, effectively outlining the essay structure.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task directly, discussing both reasons for and consequences of the trend of purchasing luxury items.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: