IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

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Nowadays, many of us are living in metropolitan cities and It has
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 do not know, who is living next door to them.
This
Linking Words
 is clearly a lapse of social intimacy that we had in the past.
This
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 essay will try to delve
with
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the causes and
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 of the mentioned issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a few factors behind
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
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,
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 work schedule is one of the factors. In fact, in the modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 are working for long hours because they are living in the
money minded
Add a hyphen
money-minded
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 and
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
 world. To illustrate,
according to
Linking Words
 a study, average working hours per week have increased by one
third,
Linking Words
as compared to, the late
ninetees
Correct your spelling
nineties
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have any time to socialise with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 neighbours.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals try to be in their own private space. As a matter of fact, these days, generally
people
Use synonyms
 are very protective about their
privicy
Correct your spelling
privacy
 and they do not allow any outsider to disturb it because of
this
Linking Words
 reason
people
Use synonyms
 do not take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 to know each other.
Hence
Linking Words
, they love to be in their own private affairs
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 causes
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sense of community. In order to, solve the issue, residents living in societies should form social groups. Which can arrange social get-togethers, which will not only
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 an opportunity for the
people
Use synonyms
 to meet each other but
also
Linking Words
 could act as a medium to form a social nexus among individuals.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of sense of
neighbour hood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 is caused by
workohlic
Correct your spelling
workaholic
 culture and
privicy
Correct your spelling
privacy
 reasons but it can be solved by forming social groups in housing societies, which gives a chance to the residents to know each other and form a social bond.

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task achievement
Consider more detailed explanation or examples for each main point to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor errors in grammar and punctuation that can be distracting. These include issues like 'It has seen' which should be 'It has been seen,' or 'privicy' which should be 'privacy'.
coherence cohesion
Try to link paragraphs more cohesively. Using linking words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Therefore,' can improve the overall flow of the essay.
logical structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduced the issue and summarized your argument in the conclusion.
supported main points
You've identified relevant causes such as busy work schedules and desire for privacy, and suggested a solution involving social groups.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of community
  • urbanization
  • high-rise buildings
  • gated communities
  • digital communication
  • social media
  • instant messaging
  • face-to-face interaction
  • transience
  • busy schedules
  • work commitments
  • family responsibilities
  • personal hobbies
  • physical barriers
  • casual socialization
  • safety concerns
  • crime
  • urban dwellers
  • housing affordability
  • stable communities
What to do next:
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