The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
males
and females registered for a class at night, in 2009.
Moreover
, the pie chart demonstrates the ages of the course attendants.
Overall
, the proportion of female attendants
exceed
Change the verb form
exceeds
show examples
the ones of
males
.
Furthermore
, the majority of the participants are aged 50 years or older. To commence, the adult training centre offers classes for various forms of art, including drama, painting, sculpture, and language. The number of female
members
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
those of the male participants in all categories except sculptures, where
males
are double the number of females.
Nevertheless
, female
members
exceed the
males
in the other courses, especially the language course, as there are 20 more women than men. When it comes to age groups, most participants in the training classes are aged 50 or more, making up 42% of the
members
.
Moreover
, people aged between 40 and 49 belong to the second most dominant age group, as they account for approximately a quarter of the
members
. People in their 30s and 20s are next on the list, accounting for 16% and 11%, respectively.
Lastly
, the minority of the attendees are younger than 20.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, members with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • participant
  • adult education
  • distribution
  • proportion
  • engaged
  • trend
  • mid-career
  • popularity
  • speculate
  • job-oriented
  • creative courses
  • leisure aspect
  • enroll
  • correlation
  • inclined
  • career-oriented
  • hobby-related
  • literacy
  • technical skills
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