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Band 5

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In over to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviors. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #countries #society #immigrants #customs #codes #behaviors
In recent years a lot of
immigrants
 have left their countries and travelled to Western countries looking for better jobs and lifestyles. In
this
 essay I will be talking about both views of argument,
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
 I tend to disagree with saying
immigrants
 should adapt to local customs and codes of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. First of all, people travel to great economic nations for better living conditions. And they have their own culture and habits from their traditional
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
,
nevertheless
 asking them to convert.
For instance
, western movements
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
encourage
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be
free
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 religion and morals which lead to weak and fragile societies.
However
,
immigrants
 don't need
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 customs and codes, as they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
already
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 good things
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to keep.
For example
, what they can bring to
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 industry from all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of yummy food and vegetables.
On the other hand
, some say they should adapt and forget about bringing food culture or social habits to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 towns and cities. I think it's a bit racist as it consists of limiting their lifestyle and
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
 them be suppressed. But why
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 afraid of people's beliefs if it's not affecting anyone and
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 sides
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Countries that accept
immigrants
 have to allow
immigrants
 to live happily and don't push their agendas against them. In conclusion, humans have been always living together from the beginning and need to
br
Correct your spelling
be
 communicating better for own good of humanity.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 future generations will get the impact from their grandfathers and grandmothers. In the end, more tolerance needs to be present in our world.
Submitted by abood291a on

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are well-supported with specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear standpoint on the topic at hand.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating balanced consideration.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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