IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at the social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at the social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
The provided line graph illustrates the
participation
 numbers of
individuals
 engaging in various activities at a social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
, the film club garnered the highest
participation
 rates among Melbourne residents throughout the period. Table tennis and musical performances experienced significant growth in
participation
 towards the later years,
while
 amateur dramatics saw a decline in popularity. The film club maintained a consistently high level of
participation
, hovering around 65
individuals
 with minimal fluctuations over the 20-year period.
In contrast
,
participation
 in amateur dramatics
initially
 increased by approximately 10
participants
 until 2005, before sharply declining to around 8
individuals
 by 2020. The number of
individuals
 involved in martial arts remained relatively stable at about 40
participants
 across the years, surpassing the number of
participants
 in table tennis in the first decade.
Subsequently
, table tennis witnessed a significant rise in
participation
, reaching approximately 50
individuals
 by 2020.
Furthermore
, musical performances had minimal engagement in the first decade but experienced consistent growth, reaching around 20
participants
 by the end of the period.
Submitted by wongmingwai29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, individuals, participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: