In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays,
government
have Add an article
the government
higher
demand to increase the Correct article usage
a higher
cities
size. Change noun form
city's
cities'
However
, the increasing
Replace the word
increase
cause
many serious Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
problems
that could be diminsh
by providing solutions. Correct your spelling
diminished
diminish
This
essay will propose the problems
issues
Correct word choice
and issues
may
occur Correct pronoun usage
that may
as a result
of increasing and the solutions.
Big cities
encounter a
severe Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
issues
which hold a serious impact. Numerous academic articles show
recently that when Wrong verb form
have shown
cities
become larger the
environmental Correct article usage
apply
problems
occur. For example
, discussing a serious
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious problems
a serious problem
problems
like pollution indicated as a
harmful Correct article usage
apply
for
nature and lead to destruction. Change preposition
to
Consequently
, if there is Correct article usage
an unstablised
unstablised
environment affected by Correct your spelling
unstable
emission
that would cause Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
a
Correct article usage
apply
sever
health Correct your spelling
severe
problems
for individuals at
Change preposition
in
this
city. People could struggle from
health Change preposition
with
issues
that affected
Wrong verb form
affect
lungs
. These Correct pronoun usage
their lungs
problems
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
a
serious Correct article usage
apply
issues
, furthermore
, impacted
at population in their environment and health.
The above points discussed harmful Wrong verb form
impact
issues
, however
, the solution considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
as
effective. Avoiding Change preposition
apply
problems
related to environment
particularly Add an article
the environment
government
should start planting and Correct article usage
the government
encoruge
people to assist the government. Studies show that planting Correct your spelling
encouraging
fight
pollution by killing Fix the agreement mistake
fights
oxyied
carbon and Correct your spelling
oxygen
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
a
clean air. Remove the article
apply
Cities
might show a higher demand for factories than other cities
, however
, these factories must located far away from the population to be protected from pollution.
In conclusion, large cities
demonstrate a problem Correct pronoun usage
that make
make
the population Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
suffering
. More importantly, these Wrong verb form
suffer
issues
could be managed by planting and putting factories in far destination
.Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
Submitted by noura239502 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task and discusses both problems and solutions effectively. However, the examples and explanations provided could be more specific and detailed. For instance, when discussing pollution and health issues, providing specific data or case studies could strengthen your argument. Ensure that the points made are elaborated comprehensively to show a deeper understanding of the issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally cohesive but could benefit from a clearer logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a basic structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to ensure a more seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, words like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'Furthermore' can help to connect ideas more coherently.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are mentioned but could be more robustly supported. Consider breaking down larger ideas into smaller, more manageable points. This will help in ensuring that each paragraph is focused and easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies and addresses the main problems associated with increasing city sizes, as well as proposing potential solutions. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion and provide a sense of closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure shows an effort to address both sides of the issue, which is important for a balanced argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.