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Band 3

Most countries spend lots of money on education as they start to recognise its importance. In your opinion which two following subjects are the most important for your people and which one is the least important?

#countries #lots #money #education #recognise #importance #two #subjects #people
Meeting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future jobs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
individual must consider subjects that assist their journey and provide a bright future like
computer
science
.
However
, there are multiple attractive subjects that may not aid the learner
acquaire
Verb problem
in acquiring
show examples
 the opportunity to have a very high job but the
computer
 is regarded as the top.
For example
, many companies often demand employees for
computer
science
. Meanwhile, people tend to open their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
managed
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own,
computer
science
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 know exactly the way
of establishing
Change preposition
to establish
show examples
website
Add an article
a website
show examples
 that
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a facade
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a business.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
show examples
students
 should choose
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
science
 because it
demanded
Wrong verb form
demands
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
. The above point illustrates the subject
students
 should choose
while
 here it examines the curriculum
that is
 regarded as less important which is Mathematics. Because
students
 encounter many difficulties in Mathematics, the government should put it as an optional choice. Numerous Academic studies revealed that
students
 who have challenges dealing with Mathematics often regarded themselves as less intelligent than other
students
 as it impacted their progress in other subjects. Undoubtedly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to progress in many different ways
Submitted by noura239502 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the question and addresses both the importance of computer science and the perceived lack of importance of mathematics. However, there are gaps in clarity and comprehensiveness of the ideas. More specific examples and explanations would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows reasonably well and your points are logically structured. However, transitioning between ideas and paragraphs can be improved for better readability. Additionally, the conclusion needs a bit more elaboration to summarize your main points.
task achievement
You did a good job of introducing the importance of computer science and linking it to future job prospects. This clearly shows your understanding of the topic and relevance of the subject.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported reasonably well, particularly with the example of why computer science is important for business owners.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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