IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government invest in sports is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent are you agree or disagree?

#government #sports #waste #money #services
People around the world pay a lot of taxes
thus
, the government has to give
money
 back
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 useful services for the community. I strongly agree with
this
 statement because the taxpayers need security, public health and education.
In addition
, more public access
parks
. Is demanding for Governors and
city
 councils to invest the people’s
money
 in more security on the streets
due to
 the great amount of crime and robbers. Society demands more schools for their children because of the lower access to public elementary and high schools, many parents cannot afford private education. Public hospitals have collapsed because a lot of people do not have medical insurance to go to a private doctor or dentist. In my country Argentina,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services like medical centres and education are completely free given that the federal government invest so much
money
 in these areas for the community.
Furthermore
, the construction of
parks
 should be a good retribution for the community. In fact, the trees and plants of these sites help the environment by changing the polluted air into fresh air making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 healthier. Buenos Aires is well known for the number of
parks
 and the amount of plants and trees in its streets even though, the
city
 council invested in an ecology reserve near the river to reduce the pollution in the
city
. In conclusion, the government must invest the people’s tax
money
 in public services like more police more health centres and more schools to give society better conditions.
in addition
, the construction of
parks
 with plants and trees gives the population a non-contaminated
city
 to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Submitted by daniruspi on

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introduction conclusion present
You could enhance the introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the structure of the essay or the key points to be discussed.
logical structure
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some of the ideas seemed a bit disjointed, so focusing on clearer transitions would improve coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas that directly address the task statement.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant specific examples, which strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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