IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Reporting of crimes and other kinds of violent news on television and in newspapers can have adverse consquences. This kind of information should be restricted from being shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #crimes #kinds #news #television #newspapers #consquences #information #media
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Television and newspapers play a vital role in creating mass awareness whether it be violent or not. I strongly agree that
such
Linking Words
 criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 going on around the world should be exposed to all so that we can know that they exist and become wise beforehand. Criminal
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as robbery , kidnapping, rape , murder and so on are increasing day by day. Not until various means and
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as newspapers
have
Verb problem
were
show examples
 discovered ,
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
nothing
Correct pronoun usage
anything
show examples
 about various information
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 our own
place
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
: in some specific places like tourist areas, the problem of
pickpocket
Wrong verb form
pickpocketing
show examples
 is a serious issue
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around the world.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 news can prevent tourists and even local people
to fall
Change preposition
from falling
show examples
 from their trap and
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money. 
Similarly
Linking Words
, it is not safe to travel to places like Iraq where people are randomly shot by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrorists
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, we should look into the news for which
place
Use synonyms
 is safe to travel as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it might be disheartening and can affect mental health to know
such
Linking Words
 inhuman
activities
Use synonyms
 taking
place
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
such
Linking Words
 information
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 shared ,
such
Linking Words
activities
Use synonyms
 can decrease or get rid of from happening . In fact, several strong measures can be taken to prevent them by the government from happening in his or her
place
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, prevention is better than cure. If anything bad is going to happen
such
Linking Words
 as war or robbery,
such
Linking Words
 news
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 to be shared and create awareness among people.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas more effectively. Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetition. Try to express your points clearly and concisely.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in making your arguments more organized and easy to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by giving reasons and examples why reporting crimes and violent news should not be restricted.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument and considers different perspectives on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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