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Band 4

Some people are happy to spend their whole life in the same area, others prefer to live in many different places in thair life time? discuss both sides of view and give your opinion

#people #life #area #places #thair #time
so for the
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people
pepole
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people
 that prefer to live
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their
thier
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their
 whole lives in the same area
some times
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sometimes
show examples
its
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it's
it is
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 not
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their
thier
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their
 choice to
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sit
saty
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stay
say
at
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in
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 the same
place
 forever maybe they have to stay because they have to take care of
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their families
thier
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their
familys
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families
family
 or
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their
thier
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their
 work
have
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and have
show examples
 them to stay at the same
place
 or they have some fears of
changeing
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changing
thier
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their
 whole
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 and
afried
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afraid
 of the
chagnes
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changes
 but for those who move
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very
vere
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very
 often they always like to try
a
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apply
show examples
new things in life , get to know new people new places new
cutlhers
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cultures
 get to know the
comunte
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community
comune
 of the city they moved to
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every
evry
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every
 time and it's fun but
some time
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sometimes
show examples
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that
that's
thats
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that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not the reason for the change maybe
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 because of
thier
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their
 work and they have to move all the time So in my opinion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer to stay
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
place
 and
don't
Verb problem
not
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 move ever
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because
becaus
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because
 for me
i
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I
show examples
 see the
place
 that
i
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I
show examples
 live in
curntly
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currently
 is the best city in the world
maybe
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may be
show examples
its
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it is
show examples
 personal for me and
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of
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people
pepole
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people
 will disagree but
i
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I
show examples
 love
this
place
 from i was young ,
may be
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maybe
show examples
 i will visit some places soon but i live
thier
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their
 i
dont
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don't
 think so , the only
reasone
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reason
reasons
 that will make me leave my city is to study in
coulleg
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college
colleges
 and
thats
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that's
 it and i think you have to leave to chase your dream even if that dream make leave something you love but its not always bad
Submitted by azaxz039 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize the essay better by giving clear introductions and conclusions. Begin with an introductory paragraph, followed by distinct paragraphs for each argument, and end with a concluding paragraph.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and details. This would help in creating clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Work on using varied vocabulary and maintaining grammatical accuracy. Proofreading your work will help identify and correct spelling and grammatical errors.
task achievement
You have provided arguments for both sides of the topic, which shows an understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clearly stated, adding a personal touch to the essay and completing the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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