IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
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Some people contend that we should abolish animal experiments
due to
 ethical concerns whilst the importance of scientific developments brought by the method is underscored by others. I declare that experimentation on living creatures cannot be justified because we no longer need to rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
barbaric
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
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 to enhance scientific developments thanks to alternatives,
such
 as AI and clone technology. Animal
experients
Correct your spelling
experiments
show examples
 used to be a valuable way to explore science, and
this
 is
due to
 the deficiency of modern facilities,
such
 as laboratories and educational institutions.
That is
 to say, people had to exploit whatever they could find for discoveries.
However
, we now have scores of other methods to probe the possibility of academic fields.
For instance
, experiments on nuclear
explosion
Fix the agreement mistake
explosions
show examples
 are now conducted on a computer. One of the alternatives I can think of is the exploitation of AI. As applications of the technologies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many fields indicate, there is almost no limitation
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 AI's potential.
For example
, AI
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 started to provide medical
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 in some countries where the deprivation of doctors is becoming a social issue.
Hence
, it is plausible to argue that
this
 technology can potentially replace abhorrent
experients
Correct your spelling
experiments
show examples
. Another possible alternative is to create clones. In some fields where animal
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 significantly paramount, using clones for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 specific purpose
instead
 of living creatures can be less ethically disturbing. I assert that exploiting animals for scientific developments is no longer justifiable
due to
 the incremental changes in society where modern facilities are available.
Instead
, we can utilise AI and clone technologies in order to mitigate the sacrifice of living creatures.
Submitted by 20dm056e on

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task achievement
Try to further elaborate on the alternatives to animal experimentation, providing more detailed examples and explanations for a stronger argument. Additionally, offering a balanced viewpoint that briefly acknowledges the opposing side could present a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs to achieve smoother flow. Doing so can help make your essay more coherent and easier to follow for the reader.
introduction conclusion
The essay opens with a clear introduction that states the writer's opinion and summarizes the main points, giving the reader a solid understanding of what to expect.
supported main points
Main points are well-structured and supported with relevant examples, such as AI's use in medicine and clone technology as alternatives to animal experimentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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