IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries a small number of people earn exremelly high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for country, but others think that government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #level
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Significant high salaries for employees become rare
case
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cases
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.
Although
 it allows a government to create costly opportunities and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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profit from
saling
Correct your spelling
selling
sailing
 and taxes, It may lead to
a
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apply
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financial damage
on
Change preposition
to
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 the monopoly economy. Paying
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 high
salary
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salaries
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 for workers leads to benefits for a country
,
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apply
show examples
 since it allows them to produce expensive both goods and conditions for wealthy inhabitants. There will be created special activities, restaurants
as well as
 items for inhabitants with high profit.
As a result
, governments will have financial profits from
sellings
Correct your spelling
selling
show examples
 or
providig
Correct your spelling
providing
 costly services.
For instance
, when there are a few people with high salaries, they are provided
by
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with
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 more expensive diets to eat or
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 to live in.
Then
, policies have income from selling
this items
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this item
these items
show examples
 by taxes.
Thus
, there are several
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of high salaries.
On the other hand
, giving significant money may cause damage
on
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to
show examples
 a monopoly's economy, since it may not be affordable for some countries. If they give
salary
 without limits, they will spend money
by
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in
show examples
 an inaccurate way. They will not be able to carry about other
asspects
Correct your spelling
aspects
such
us
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as
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 healthcare or education.
For example
, when a government pay
increadable
Correct your spelling
incredible
 high income without limits, they have enough money neither for medicine nor education.
Therefore
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 should not be given. By taking both sides into account I consider that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 should be provided only for
specific
Add an article
a specific
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 amount of people and with limits. If we do not include
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 rules, we will
make
Verb problem
do
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an
Remove the article
apply
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awful damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the monopolies
show examples
monopolies
Change noun form
monopolies'
monopoly's
show examples
 economy.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are multiple instances of incorrect spelling and awkward phrasing which can make some points harder to understand.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking phrases and words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Examples
Ensure that all main points are clearly supported with relevant and specific examples. Some points could be better illustrated.
Content
The essay presents both sides of the argument, addressing the benefits of high salaries as well as potential downsides.
Structure
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay and give it structure.
Clarity
Your opinion is clearly stated at the end, providing a clear stance on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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