In many countries a small number of people earn exremelly high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for country, but others think that government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Significant high salaries for employees become rare
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
Although
it allows a government to create costly opportunities and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
profit from
saling
Correct your spelling
selling
sailing
and taxes, It may lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the monopoly economy. Paying
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
for workers leads to benefits for a country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it allows them to produce expensive both goods and conditions for wealthy inhabitants. There will be created special activities, restaurants
as well as
items for inhabitants with high profit.
As a result
, governments will have financial profits from
sellings
Correct your spelling
selling
show examples
or
providig
Correct your spelling
providing
costly services.
For instance
, when there are a few people with high salaries, they are provided
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
more expensive diets to eat or
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodation
to live in.
Then
, policies have income from selling
this items
Change the determiner
this item
these items
show examples
by taxes.
Thus
, there are several
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
of high salaries.
On the other hand
, giving significant money may cause damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
a monopoly's economy, since it may not be affordable for some countries. If they give
salary
without limits, they will spend money
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
an inaccurate way. They will not be able to carry about other
asspects
Correct your spelling
aspects
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
healthcare or education.
For example
, when a government pay
increadable
Correct your spelling
incredible
high income without limits, they have enough money neither for medicine nor education.
Therefore
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
should not be given. By taking both sides into account I consider that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
should be provided only for
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
amount of people and with limits. If we do not include
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
rules, we will
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
awful damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the monopolies
show examples
monopolies
Change noun form
monopolies'
monopoly's
show examples
economy.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are multiple instances of incorrect spelling and awkward phrasing which can make some points harder to understand.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking phrases and words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Examples
Ensure that all main points are clearly supported with relevant and specific examples. Some points could be better illustrated.
Content
The essay presents both sides of the argument, addressing the benefits of high salaries as well as potential downsides.
Structure
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay and give it structure.
Clarity
Your opinion is clearly stated at the end, providing a clear stance on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: