Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #quality #lives #government #money

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this

Linking Words

era, numerous

people

Use synonyms

have opinions about

arts

Use synonyms

like painting and

music

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

don't have any benefit for

people

Use synonyms

's lives.

Moreover

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, they think that the government should spend money to support others in sports or science. I totally disagree with

this

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statement.

To begin

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with, the oldest

people

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always stereotype that art doesn't use many abilities and they can't make much money at their age.

However

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, the world is always changing nowadays

arts

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are gaining attention from a

lot

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people

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in society. Many

people

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think that art is therapy

People

Use synonyms

with ADAH doctors give advice to paint because it can help them to focus on their picture for a long time

as well as

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music

Use synonyms

can help

people

Use synonyms

focus on something that they do for a long time like most of the

people

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opened piano or classic

music

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when their do their work.

Although

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, it is not easy to create one artwork artists should spend a long time practising for success in the way that they love.

Furthermore

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, a wealth of outstanding artworks from the past and present like Reonado Davichy Italian artists have many artworks that are an inspiration for new artists.

Additionally

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arts

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are all around our lives even towers, houses, schools or any building are started by

arts

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from alchetector.

In addition

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Add a comma

show examples

some countries that have promoted artworks whether is it movies, animations,

music

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, or paintings always have a national income growth trend from tourists

for instance

Linking Words

Korea

Use synonyms

numerous

tousris

Correct your spelling

tourists

tourist

tourism

come to

Korea

Use synonyms

because they want to follow the place of series and some of them come to see

artist

Add an article

the artist

an artist

show examples

Korea

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Korea

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get

Change the verb form

gets

show examples

a rewarding form support

arts

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industry.

Also

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, Japan's famous animation is from

this

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country

for example

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, Howl and the Moving Castle, Ponyo, Doraemon and Konan worldwide children every country knows so just selling the copyright can make a

lot

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of money and when a

lot

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of tourists come to Japan to follow the animation as well.

To sum up

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, artwork is not easy to do and every artwork has its own value. So if governments focus, promote and support it have a

lot

Use synonyms

of benefits for countries equal to science and sports

also

Linking Words

Submitted by np.napatping on Mon Sep 02 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position and provides relevant points, but they could be more comprehensively developed. Ensure you elaborate on each argument and consider counterarguments for a more balanced discussion.

coherence cohesion

Try to make smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve cohesion. Using linking words and phrases can help with this.

general

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofread your essay to correct these issues and make your expressions clearer.

general

Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas; instead, try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to maintain the reader's interest.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your position, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint from the beginning.

task achievement

You have included examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

coherence cohesion

You have made a clear attempt to structure your essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own

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The plans below show a small theater in 2010, and the same theater in 2012.

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.