SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?

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Retirement

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is a significant milestone in a person’s life. In many countries, the set

retirement

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age

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is 65 years for all

workers

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, regardless of their occupation. Some people believe

this

Linking Words

rule is unfair and argue that certain

workers

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should be allowed to retire earlier and receive a pension. I agree with

this

Linking Words

view because some jobs are physically demanding and can negatively affect

workers

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health

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Firstly

Linking Words

, certain occupations involve strenuous physical

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

, making it difficult for employees to continue working until the

age

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of 65.

For example

Linking Words

, construction

workers

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, miners, and firefighters perform physically exhausting tasks every day. Over time, these activities take a toll on their bodies, leading to chronic pain and serious

health

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issues. Forcing them to work until 65 may result in injuries or reduced productivity.

Therefore

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

workers

Use synonyms

should be allowed to retire earlier so they can enjoy a healthier life after years of hard work.

Secondly

Linking Words

, some professions expose

workers

Use synonyms

to hazardous conditions that may lead to long-term

health

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problems. Factory

workers

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who handle toxic chemicals,

for example

Linking Words

, face higher risks of developing respiratory diseases or cancer.

Similarly

Linking Words

, healthcare

workers

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who constantly deal with infectious diseases are

also

Linking Words

at risk. These

workers

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dedicate their lives to serving society but may suffer from severe

health

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consequences. Offering them early

retirement

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would be a fair way to compensate for the risks they endure throughout their careers.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, people who work in office jobs or less physically demanding environments can usually continue working until the standard

retirement

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age

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. Professions

such

Linking Words

as teaching, administration, and accounting do not require significant physical effort, allowing employees to maintain their roles without serious

health

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concerns.

Thus

Linking Words

, a flexible

retirement

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system that considers the nature of each profession would be a fairer approach. In conclusion, setting the same

retirement

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age

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for all

workers

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is unfair, as some jobs are much more physically demanding than others.

Workers

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in physically strenuous or hazardous occupations should be given the option to retire earlier.

This

Linking Words

approach would not only protect their well-being but

also

Linking Words

ensure a fairer system for all professionals.

seyyed.arshamMon Feb 24 2025

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task achievement

Expand on your examples to include more specific data or statistics that could strengthen your argument and provide more depth.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of your essay. Phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' can help connect ideas more clearly.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear opinion supported by logical reasoning and well-structured paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and your stance, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

347 words

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