IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, some people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas.

#people #governments #taxpayers’ #money #healthcare #areas
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Where
should
Verb problem
apply
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the governments to
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 taxpayers’ money has always been argued. There are now people
Correct pronoun usage
who proposed
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proposed
Wrong verb form
propose
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 to apply tax income to healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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. Opponents suggest the money should be invested
to
Change preposition
apply
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elsewhere
. In my opinion,
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
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 should invest
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 budget
on
Change preposition
in
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 medical services,
as well as
other area
Change the wording
another area
other areas
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. On the one hand, public health is vitally important to societies. Since health is considered the fundamental of personal well-being, access to advanced healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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are
Change the verb form
is
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increasing
Change the word
increasingly
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 required by the public.
Although
 there are countries offering free medical attention in nations, the efficiency and proficiency
are variated
Wrong verb form
vary
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.
For instance
, people in India
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 to wait for a significant amount of time to access treatments. Essentially,
this
 would be pointed to a lack of investments to expand
clinical
Add an article
the clinical
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 geographical scale and training of more medical graduates.
On the other hand
, investing money
to
Change preposition
in
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 other fields,
for example
,
infrastructures
Change the noun form
infrastructure
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 construction and
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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also
importance
Replace the word
important
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 to secure the prosperity and well-being of nations. Some people believe medical treatment costs should be covered by personal medical insurance. In that case, investing
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
 received by
tax
Add an article
the tax
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 would be unnecessary.
However
, I believe the
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
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 need to strike a balance between to invest different sections of the nation.
Although
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health insurance could cover the cost of treatment, government
founding
Correct your spelling
funding
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 could be
therefore
 applied to medical research.
For instance
, to study the cure
of
Change preposition
for
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illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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 like
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
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 and diabetes.
Besides
, other parts of the society
Submitted by kejian_shi on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on strengthening your introduction and conclusion. Explain more clearly what your stance is and summarize your main points effectively.
logical structure
Improve your paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that are logically connected.
complete response
Build out your examples and expand on your points further to provide a more complete response to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You mention multiple viewpoints and try to offer a balanced perspective. This is important.
logical structure
You understand the importance of healthcare and other areas like infrastructure and education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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