IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays, some people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas.

#people #governments #taxpayers’ #money #healthcare #areas
Where
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the governments to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 taxpayers’ money has always been argued. There are now people
Correct pronoun usage
who proposed
show examples
proposed
Wrong verb form
propose
show examples
 to apply tax income to healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
. Opponents suggest the money should be invested
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elsewhere
. In my opinion,
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
 should invest
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 medical services,
as well as
other area
Change the wording
another area
other areas
show examples
. On the one hand, public health is vitally important to societies. Since health is considered the fundamental of personal well-being, access to advanced healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
 required by the public.
Although
 there are countries offering free medical attention in nations, the efficiency and proficiency
are variated
Wrong verb form
vary
show examples
.
For instance
, people in India
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to wait for a significant amount of time to access treatments. Essentially,
this
 would be pointed to a lack of investments to expand
clinical
Add an article
the clinical
show examples
 geographical scale and training of more medical graduates.
On the other hand
, investing money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other fields,
for example
,
infrastructures
Change the noun form
infrastructure
show examples
 construction and
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 to secure the prosperity and well-being of nations. Some people believe medical treatment costs should be covered by personal medical insurance. In that case, investing
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
 received by
tax
Add an article
the tax
show examples
 would be unnecessary.
However
, I believe the
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
 need to strike a balance between to invest different sections of the nation.
Although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health insurance could cover the cost of treatment, government
founding
Correct your spelling
funding
show examples
 could be
therefore
 applied to medical research.
For instance
, to study the cure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 like
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
show examples
 and diabetes.
Besides
, other parts of the society
Submitted by kejian_shi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Work on strengthening your introduction and conclusion. Explain more clearly what your stance is and summarize your main points effectively.
logical structure
Improve your paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that are logically connected.
complete response
Build out your examples and expand on your points further to provide a more complete response to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You mention multiple viewpoints and try to offer a balanced perspective. This is important.
logical structure
You understand the importance of healthcare and other areas like infrastructure and education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!