Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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In contemporary times, is true that some

children

spend hours every day on their

smartphones

. I think there are several

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

case and its effect depends on how

children

spend time on their

smartphones

This

Change preposition

In this

show examples

essay I will try to explain both sides.

Firstly

, technology has been changing every day.

Thus

, Gen Z

children

utilize

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

more than past gens. It

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

benefits

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

parents

because their work hours

has

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have

show examples

been increased and they generally

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

not been socialized with them. It is so easy for working

parents

that 10 hours per day, give their

children

smartphones

and create leisure time for

theirselves

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

However

, we cannot blame just

parents

Secondly

smartphones

stimulate so

much

Correct quantifier usage

many

show examples

brain cells and it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

children

addictive

Replace the word

addicted

show examples

Children

only enjoy if they play with their

smartphones

and some

parents

cannot prevent

this

situation because of

children

agressive

Correct your spelling

aggressive

behaviours. I think using

smartphones

might sometimes really good

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

. There are so many educational and teaching

app

Fix the agreement mistake

apps

show examples

on online

store

Fix the agreement mistake

stores

show examples

and they might use their

smartphones

for academic improvement.

For instance

, so many people learn new

langue

Correct your spelling

language

show examples

on some language apps.

In addition

, they might do their

homeworks

Correct your spelling

homework

and some research on their

smartphones

For example

, there are some online forums

that

Correct word choice

where

show examples

they ask each other complicated questions.

However

children

generally tend to

be play

Change the verb form

play

show examples

online games and make online

friendship

Fix the agreement mistake

friendships

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their

smartphones

which I believe really dangerous. Playing online games might make

children

addictive

Replace the word

addicted

show examples

and run their teenage years because of damage

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

social

skillss

Correct your spelling

skills

and might

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

become shy

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

To sum up

, I believe that technological development is so important and it brings some issues with themselves like

children

's using

smartphones

. I think

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

parents

make

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

restriction

Fix the agreement mistake

restrictions

show examples

about using

smartphones

to make it

possitive

Correct your spelling

positive

effects,

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

it might be a negative development for

children

Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on Mon Sep 02 2024

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Grammar

Ensure clear subject-verb agreement in your sentences. For example, instead of "there are several reason," it should be "there are several reasons."

Coherence and Cohesion

Use transitions more effectively to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, words like "moreover," "furthermore," or "in addition" can help you to better structure your argument.

Task Achievement

Offer more concrete examples to back up your points. This will help make your argument more persuasive and concrete.

Task Achievement

Make sure you answer all parts of the question clearly. You did address why children spend time on smartphones and the positive/negative aspects, but some points could be further elaborated and clarified.

Task Achievement

You have clearly attempted to discuss both the causes and effects of children spending time on smartphones, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately set the stage and wrap up the argument.

Task Achievement

You made a valid point about the benefits of educational apps, showcasing a balanced view.

Grammar

You have tried to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree. Do the benefits of hosting a major sporting event outweight the drawbacks?

There is a notion that says developed countries should avoid encouraging expert workers of developing countries for emigration, because the poorer countries need their professional workers

Some people believe that the activities of large multinational corporations mostly benefit the economies of developing countries. Other people take the opposite view and feel that these large multinationals are generally harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?