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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows transportation preferences among young people in four countries in a single year.

The bar chart below shows transportation preferences among young people in four countries in a single year.
The bar chart illustrates the teenager’s transport choices, which are car, motorcycle, bicycle, in the UK, United States, France and Italy in one particular year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
cars
Use synonyms
 are the most popular mode of
transportation
Use synonyms
 that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 prefer in the UK, United States and Italy.
However
Linking Words
, most French
teenagers
Use synonyms
 prefer
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 are the least popular mode of
transportation
Use synonyms
 among British, American and French
teenagers
Use synonyms
. In the UK, 60% of British
teenagers
Use synonyms
 prefer
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 only 30% and 10% prefer using
bicycles
Use synonyms
 and
motorcycles
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 60% of American
teenagers
Use synonyms
 prefer using
cars
Use synonyms
 for
transportation
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 30% and 10% prefer
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
motorcycles
Fix the agreement mistake
motorcycle
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, 45% of French
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 prefer using
bicycles
Use synonyms
, which is four times more than those who prefer
motorcycles
Use synonyms
.
Cars
Use synonyms
 are the second most popular mode of
transportation
Use synonyms
 among French
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, more than 70% of Italian
teenagers
Use synonyms
 prefer
cars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 less than 30% prefer
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 and
bicycles
Use synonyms
 combined.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, transportation, teenagers, bicycles, motorcycles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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