Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university education benefits Individuals rather than society. To what extend your career do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
cost for your
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
is common,
this
is because
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
prefer to
offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
the advantage for individuals rather than the community. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
with that,
students
at university should start paying for their studies and take
this
responsibility for many reasons.
This
essay will argue
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
why
students
should pay
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
cost for their own
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. When
students
take
Change preposition
on this
show examples
this responsibilities
Change the determiner
this responsibility
these responsibilities
show examples
, they can learn important skills,
such
as
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money and
investment
Replace the word
investing
show examples
. People at
this
age need to face real life. and give them a sort of facilities
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
show examples
not help them.
For instance
,
students
who pay for their studies, are more acceptance to achieve success in their lives after graduation.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, but it needs further development. Ensure you provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments. Elaborate on how paying for their education can instill responsibility in students and why it might be beneficial to society despite the individual focus.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction is clear, a more detailed conclusion summarizing your main points would improve cohesion. Additionally, make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. You can use transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and maintain a logical progression.
language use
Your essay has a good structure, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'I am agree' should be 'I agree', and 'give them a sort of facilities do not help them' should be 'giving them certain facilities does not help them.' Proofread your work to correct these minor issues and improve readability.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and body of the essay are well-structured, setting a solid foundation for your argument.
task achievement
The idea that paying for education can teach important life skills is a strong point and relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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