IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Task 2 (opinion essay) Do you believe that people should adopt a vegetarian diet to improve their health?

#people #diet #health
Nowadays, the importance of a healthy diet is becoming widespread among citizens. Indeed, many
people
 argue that consuming vegetarian
food
 can improve their
health
, and they think
people
 should consume only vegan
food
 to be healthy. In my opinion,
this
 statement does not seem reliable, because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can not live without
meat
, and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel its importance in my life. First of all, in the
last
 decade,
people
 have been actively nourished by a vegetarian diet, for their beliefs that it can prevent them from
health
 issues and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 their immune system.
In addition
, it has no contradictive opinions, because it is well-known that vegetarian
food
 ( generally plant-based)
conain
Correct your spelling
contain
contains
 a lot of
minerals
 that can improve consumer’s
health
, and most of them can replace the importance of
meat
.
For instance
, these days, scientists are working on the topic of making
meat
 with plants that contain the same
minerals
 as
meat
.
On the other hand
, since primitive times, homo sapiens eat
meat
, because
meat
 is formed by a wide range of
minerals
 that are needed for the human body.
For example
, cow
meat
 is rich in protein, calcium and iron which are the main ingredients for human beings to stay well. In summary, vegetarian
food
 which consists of many vegetables and healthy plants can play a beneficial role in human
health
, composing very important
minerals
 for
people
, but I suggest that the role of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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meat
 in
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
 diet is essential for its significance in the way of developing immunity.
Submitted by writingiletschecker on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, work on providing clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points better, include more specific examples and evidence, such as scientific studies or statistics, to corroborate your claims.
task achievement
In order to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, try to elaborate more on why you believe meat is essential and how it benefits your health personally.
task achievement
Using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentences can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a stronger command of language.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction that effectively sets up the topic and your viewpoint on it.
supported main points
You provide a balanced discussion by acknowledging both the potential health benefits of a vegetarian diet and the importance of meat in the human diet.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay and reaffirms your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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