Everyone should stay in school until the age of eighteen , considering the significance of primary & secondary level education in a learner's life. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
There is an opinion regarding the significance of the level of
education
that believes in the importance of staying in school until the age of eighteen. In this
essay, I elaborate why
I agree with Change preposition
on why
this
statement by arguing that the benefits of a longer education
reside on
a better job perspective and a more critical mindset.
Change preposition
in
To begin
with, studying and getting an education
until the age of majority is certainly the premise for a solid occupation in the future. In fact, the aspirations for better life conditions can be supported only by a well equipped
background. Add a hyphen
well-equipped
For example
, workers lamenting their job
or Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
low-income
are Correct your spelling
low income
people
that
didn't finish Correct pronoun usage
who
the
elementary school. In fact, it is not a case that the children of modest workers have decided to invest all their resources in Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
education
in order to improve their social status including health and earnings.
Another reason stays in the critical perspective that a longer education
can provide. People
that
have studied for more years have developed an accurate understanding of the world conditions - like politics, economy, ecology, or social justice - in comparison to the Correct pronoun usage
who
people
that
did not. One example is the statistics of the Correct pronoun usage
who
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
vote
for Wrong verb form
voted
the
Brexit. The majority of them were uneducated Correct article usage
apply
people
that
have fallen into the trap of fake news that spread out through social media and oriented the public opinion based upon untrue facts. Correct pronoun usage
who
This
demonstrate
a lack of critical understanding.
In conclusion, the benefits of going to school until the age of eighteen are certainly the possibility of Change the verb form
demonstrates
a
social mobility and a wiser consciousness.Remove the article
apply
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task achievement
Although your ideas are clear, developing them further with more specific examples and deeper analysis could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider including counterarguments and addressing potential drawbacks of staying in school until the age of eighteen to present a more balanced view.
cohesion cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas by using linking words and phrases to further enhance the logical flow of your essay.
cohesion cohesion
It would be beneficial to provide a brief roadmap in the introduction, outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, making it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your essay with clear paragraphs for each main point.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and effectively reinforces your position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.