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Band 4.5

Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#children #home #parents #people
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, mothers or fathers usually
stayed
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 close to their sons when they do school exercises, and
gove
Correct your spelling
give
show examples
 some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to find the best
resolution
Correct your spelling
solution
show examples
. I don'
t
 think is the best way to assist children in their homework because the
parent's
Unnecessary verb
parent
show examples
the majority of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 figure stressed mostly
child
moreover
 in a lot of cases are unprepared to make
this
 role. In modern
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
parents
 are too busy
due to
 their jobs and spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few hours with their children, especially when they attend elementary school,
parents
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that can help them when they have been studying, but the
child
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to solve these problems alone to challenge himself and when
parents
 tell him results directly underline his difficulty.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they created a stressful situation because
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 doesn'
t
 feel free to make mistakes.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 my 9-year-cousin
yesterday can'
Verb problem
couldn't
show examples
t
 concentrate when her father was near
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 when he left alone her, she completed homework quickly
also
 without errors.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
parents
 when their children are 8,9,10 years old,
thought
Wrong verb form
think
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 having
Correct article usage
the capabilities
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capabilities
Fix the agreement mistake
capability
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 to teach somethings because
weren'
Wrong verb form
aren't
show examples
t
 too complex
subjets
Correct your spelling
subjects
show examples
 yet, but isn'
t
 the truth because teachers study to offer the best education service which must be
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 but especially simple so for
alumns
Correct your spelling
alumnus
alumni
 learning is very easy. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 there is a degree for
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 going to
became
Change the verb
become
show examples
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
elementary
Correct article usage
an elementary
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 school. In conclusion,
parents
' presence when
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 are studying isn'
t
 necessary but even
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 is damaged
due to
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 and incompetence of their
parents
. In fact, if the
child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 eccesive problems with a
spesific
Correct your spelling
special
subjet
Correct your spelling
subject
show examples
 is very useful
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
home teacher who explains the errors and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 improve his
knownledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 without stress.
Submitted by matteosolito03 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all sentences are complete and grammatically correct. This will make your ideas clearer and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Use more formal language and avoid colloquial expressions. For example, instead of 'give some advices' use 'provide some advice.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps frame the essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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