IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #choices
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In
this
 present era, the quality of life of individuals has changed drastically, providing them with a plethora of options. These choices include an increase in job opportunities and freedom in deciding family life. I strongly agree that people have more alternatives compared to the previous generation by pointing out the variations in the job market and a more progressive view of the significant others.
Firstly
, in comparison to the 1990s the enhancement in technology and science, opened a wide range of career options thereby reducing poverty and the unemployment rate. Until the early
Correct your spelling
2000s
2000
Add a comma
2000,
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 the main occupation was farming, farmers faced a lot of difficulty during that time
due to
 a lack of knowledge in marketing and weather conditions that destroyed the crops and thereby yearned for less money.
Whereas
, these days there are many vacancies in the IT sector and even robotics provide high salaries and assurance in jobs.
Secondly
,
due to
 more youngsters prioritizing
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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, it has led to family planning and having kids in their 30s or 40s but advancement in science has made it possible to do
this
 by providing various options like freezing eggs, surrogacy and treatments for infertility.
This
 has provided
this
 generation with
choice
Correct article usage
a choice
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 for focusing on their personal development rather than focusing on their personal development rather than focusing on kids.
To conclude
, in
this
 essay I have clearly mentioned how we have more freedom of choice in comparison with the older generation which can elevate the living quality and be more stress-free.
Submitted by dhanyatomy2001 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, consider providing more detailed and varied examples. For instance, when discussing job opportunities, you could mention specific fields or professions that have emerged over the years. Additionally, more clearly explain how the choice of having kids later in life is interconnected with career prioritization.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Your ideas are well-structured, but the flow between paragraphs can be enhanced. Also, avoid the repetition seen in the last sentence of the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
Main points are supported by relevant examples, which help in illustrating your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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