IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often believed that it is significant to prevent animal
species
Use synonyms
 from dying in the future as the number of extinct animals grows rapidly today. I partially agree with
this
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, for the growing loss of biodiversity regardless of their incredible ability to adapt to the changing surroundings. On the one hand, it is essential to protect animals from extinction since it leads to the loss of their varieties.
In other words
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, the declining number of
species
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 can collapse a whole ecosystem as they are mutually dependent.
For example
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, the disappearance of small fish and plankton will promote the death of other marine creatures which feed on them, damaging the whole system of a food chain.
Thus
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, people should take an active approach to prevent
this
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 by securing endangered
species
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 in sanctuaries
as well as
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 encouraging their breeding to promote biodiversity before it is too late.
On the other hand
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, human support will not be necessary since animals are expected to adapt to the altering environment. Indeed, they gradually evolve as they face some threatening situations for survival.
For instance
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, frogs have been able to live on land since they lost their fins and their feet were gradually developed
instead
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 to protect themselves from increasing predators in the water.
Consequently
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, their survival rate has increased dramatically, which makes them successful in adapting to the changing surroundings without the intervention of humans. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that it is critical to protect endangered
species
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 as the disappearance of one
species
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 can affect others, destroying an entire ecosystem.
However
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, human support is not an immediate need, considering their potential to adapt to various situations for prosperity.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the partial agreement more effectively. This would help the reader understand your stance right from the start.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Ensure that there are clear and smooth transitions between different points to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for the essay, giving it a sense of completeness.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, such as the one about frogs, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
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