some argue that it is better to talk to friend and not family about problems. To what extent you agree or disagree.
In recent years, discussions related to the choice between sharing with
friends
or family and its two-sided impact on emotional well-being are on the rise. Some suggest that people prefer seeking comfort and consolation by pouring out their troubles with friends
, and others argue that sometimes it could backfire on us if we choose the wrong one to confide in. I strongly agree that we should let ourselves unfold in front of friends
, not family.
To begin
with, distinct growing environments could lead to a generation gap between us with older family members, including education
backgrounds, outside world information, national reality, financial conditions, personal experience and other decisive factors that could define our personalities and mentalities. Replace the word
educational
For example
, parents
are usually less educated compared to their children due to
china’s
national situation Capitalize word
China’s
at
Change preposition
in
last
century. The lack of education could often lead to damaged Correct article usage
the last
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
such
as close-minded
, arrogant, selfish and impatient, stimulating Add a missing verb
being close-minded
parents
to objectify children as their belongings rather than an
independent Correct article usage
apply
individual
. Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
Consequently
, parents
will attempt to control their children’s life
in the trajectory they wish Fix the agreement mistake
lives
instead
of relating to their children’s problems. This
phenomenon emphasizes the negative impact of turning to parent
, Fix the agreement mistake
parents
that is
, the reasons above have caused parents
’ emotional ignorance of their children.
In contrast
, there is a widespread belief that sharing with friend
is more beneficial. One major factor is that friendship Fix the agreement mistake
friends
enable
a more equitable, objective and judgement-free environment to share. Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
Moreover
, effective communication lays the foundation of a healthy friendship, which is part of the reasons
why we feel secure to confide and Fix the agreement mistake
reason
also
a downside of our relationship with parents
, since we were assigned to our Correct pronoun usage
our parents
parents
yet we could choose who to befriend with
. Change preposition
apply
Friends
, typically of similar age and life stage, are more likely to relate directly to issues
at hand. Meanwhile, the voluntary nature of Correct article usage
the issues
such
relationships means that individuals could choose a similar one to share with since this
common ground nurtures a sense of mutual understanding on an equal footing. As a result
, we turn to our friends
more when situations deteriorate or escalate, since it’s almost like pouring oil on the flames if we talk to the wrong person when we feel vulnerable, especially some parents
who might be the cause of our vulnerability and emotional instability. Hence
, it is apparent that friends
represent more positive listeners, offering both emotional security and valuable insights, which can be crucial in times of need.
In conclusion, it is evident that friends
often emerge as more appropriate confidants for personal issues due to
the distinctions of the genuine relationship nature between us with friends
and family. As a result
, it would be a lot more beneficial to talk our issues to friends
rather than family in the long run.Submitted by d22093870 on
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general
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to illustrate the points made. While the arguments are valid, they would be more compelling with concrete instances.
task response
It would enhance your essay to include a sentence that directly states your main argument at the end of your introduction paragraph. This will make your position clearer from the outset.
coherence
Work on refining the transition between some arguments to ensure a smoother flow. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing relevant aspects of sharing problems with friends versus family.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a comprehensive starting point and a clear wrap-up of your arguments.
coherence
Your main points are generally well-supported and you have a logical flow in presenting your ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?