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Band 3

Many countries offer a free health care system to their citizens rather than relying on private health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a free system, and give your opinion.

#countries #offer #health #care #system #citizens
In recent times variety of
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
nations present
free if charge
Correct your spelling
free-of-charge
show examples
health
 services for their people
instead
 of offering them private
health
 care . In my opinion , I
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 that providing free
healthcare
 for civilians can bring more benefits to communities and
countries
.
To begin
 with,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
 is the most essential part of any
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 because it play
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
 role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing
countries
 and incomes ,
for example
, GCC
countries
whose
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide
healthcare
 facilities for free attract foreign workers and investment to help them towards their goals to build and improve the economy.
On the other hand
, Private
hospitals
 and
health
 units are less beneficiary for people than government
hospitals
healthcare
 in
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 cities .
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
 possible to say that private
health
 clinics are more toward
cosmatic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
 procedures
while
 public
hospitals
 are more focused on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of individuals which is the main
concerned
Replace the word
concern
show examples
.
For instance
, In some of
Africa
Change noun form
Africa's
show examples
 poor areas private
hospitals
 are not
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 idea
due to
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of different kinds of diseases
also
 citizens don't get enough money to pay for their medical expenses. In conclusion, Having government
hospitals
 which got support from their
countries
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
forced
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
health
 rather than relying on private
hospitals
 that cannot provide the same benefits that government
hospitals
 do.
Submitted by may.al.zemami on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. While you mentioned advantages and disadvantages, more examples and specific explanations would provide a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, working on the logical flow of your essay will help. Use more transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
A clear opinion was expressed in the introduction, which provides a strong start to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively reiterates the main points and reinforces your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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