IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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There are many ancient houses in our cities. Some people say that it is very important for our culture, so we should protect them. Other people argue that we ought to replace them with more modern
buildings
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 in cities. I think we should protect them but if we
needto
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need to
, we will replace them. On the one hand, there are many reasons to replace old
buildings
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 with modern
buildings
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.
Firstly
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, old
buildings
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 are in bad condition.
However
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, if we replace them with newer
buildings
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, it will ensure safety.
Secondly
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, by using modern technology, the
buildings
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 are made with new modern designs that help us to protect against natural disasters.
Such
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 as a cyclone,
earthquake
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earthquakes
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,
flood
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floods
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, and so on.
Finally
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, after industrialization, we have to need more modern accommodations so that they replace them.
On the other hand
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, there are two main reasons to protect old
buildings
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. That's why I support
this
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 statement. First of all, old
buildings
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 are the evidence of the ancient culture. By seeing
this
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, we can know more information about the past. Most importantly, every year thousands of tourists come to see these ancient
buildings
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.
Such
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 as Italy, Istambul, and Tajmahal in India. There are many good tourist attractions in the world.
As a result
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, a country can earn more foreign currency and create more job opportunities in these locations. In conclusion, old
buildings
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 are the evidence of our culture, so we could protect them properly. If we have to need it for an important reason, we will replace it.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that every point mentioned is fully developed and clearly explained. For instance, clarify how new modern designs can protect against natural disasters with more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
For coherence, consider using more transition words and phrases to make the essay's flow more logical and easier to follow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph sticks closely to its main point.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by giving a clearer overall stance on the topic while summing up the main arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the topic and provides a balanced view.
task achievement
Clear and relevant examples are given, such as Italy and the Taj Mahal for tourism benefits, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the essay's points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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