Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is discussed whether outdoor
activities
or indoor ones
such
as playing
computer
games
have more benefits for children’s development. I do agree with those who believe that outdoor
activities
have a more positive impact on children, on their health and foster their socialization
skills
. On the one hand, playing outside and being in nature is extremely good for physical and mental health. Spending time outside is key to a healthy lifestyle, indeed sun and physical activity are both extremely important.
Furthermore
, staying outside makes it easier to meet new friends and so learn how to socialize with their other peers.
On the contrary
,
computer
games
can lead to social isolation and unable to confront others.
For instance
, studies
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
that children who learn how to interact with one another at a young age will find it more easy
also
in the future.
On the other hand
,
computer
games
for sure help develop other types of capacities and
skills
, related to different areas of the brain. Playing
computer
games
helps develop problem-solving
skills
and improve a certain type of coordination.
However
, there are many more
skills
which equally are improved through outdoor
activities
,
such
as creativity,
spatial
Correct word choice
and spatial
show examples
orienteering in the surrounding environment and it
also
preserves their attention span.
To conclude
, I agree that outdoor
activities
are more beneficial for children's development than playing
computer
games
even though
also
these can have a certain positive impact on children’s development.
Submitted by lucrezialivi on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to avoid repetition and redundant phrases. Also, consider linking your ideas more fluidly with appropriate transitions.
task achievement
In order to address the task more comprehensively, provide more detailed examples and elaborate slightly more on your arguments. This will enrich your essay and provide more depth.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Avoid vague statements and clarify your arguments with more precision.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a concise overview of your stance.
task achievement
The main points are supported with logical arguments and relevant examples, making your essay persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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