IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #resources
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Nowadays
oil
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 and
gas
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 are the major
non-renewable
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sources
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 of energy.
Although
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 a significant part of the world continues to share the idea that these
kind
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kinds
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 of
sources
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 are the ones which we should invest
on
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in
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, there is a
likewise
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 large part which carries on a different idea. Indeed, in the present
day
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day,
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 many renewable
sources
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 of energy have been studied for decades.
This
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 essay will address some of the reasons why renewable
sources
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 are preferable, and balance them with the opposite position, in order to illustrate the disadvantages of an
economy
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 based on
oil
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 and
gas
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. To start with,
non-renewable
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 energy
sources
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,
such
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 as
oil
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 and
gas
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, are responsible for many environmental problems.
Above all
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, climate change is the perfect example. Many studies
demonstate
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demonstrate
 the link between the increase in the use of petroleum and global warming.
Moreover
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, their production processes represent a huge cost, allowing only
few
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a few
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 people to become very wealthy, to the detriment of the
overall
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economy
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 of a country.
Nevertheless
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, one might argue that
oil
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 and
gas
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 are still more efficient
sources
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,
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apply
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 because they do not depend on external conditions,
such
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 as the weather, which are out of human control.
Therefore
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, to open up undiscovered areas of the world seeking more of these resources is at least a debatable decision.
However
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, even if we would admit that
non-renewable
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sources
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 are more efficient and easier to produce than renewable ones, they will
extinguish
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be extinguished
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 sooner or later.
Additionally
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, the costs in
term
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terms
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 of environmental print will never be justified. In conclusion,
this
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 essay deals with
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 and possible advantages
to
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of
show examples
 an
economy
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 based on
oil
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 and
gas
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. Anyhow, it is evident that
such
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 an
economy
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 would not be sustainable.
For
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this
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 reason, I
competely
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completely
 disagree with the potential investment of money in the research of undiscovered areas for the extraction of
non-renewable
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sources
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.
Instead
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, I encourage investments
for
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in
show examples
 improving clean-power research.
Submitted by 2001martinap on

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task achievement
Ensure to stay on topic, directly addressing the prompt without deviating too much into broader discussions of renewable energy. For example, emphasize why exploring undiscovered areas may or may not be beneficial, with specifics.
task achievement
Use more concrete examples to support your arguments. Specifics about real-world initiatives, studies, or statistics would strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-rounded, effectively framing your main argument.
task achievement
You presented clear, comprehensive ideas with well-defined positions on renewable versus non-renewable sources.
coherence and cohesion
The essay showcases a logical structure with main points supported throughout, reflecting good coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
What to do next:
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