It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
A group of
people
believe that the elderly should have a vocation if they have potency.I subscribe to the notion that all people
should work and earn some money during their young ، adult, especially senility age
because of mental and physical health
and providing needs, although
old
generation needs to relax and repose more than the youth period.
there are a number of benefits to work in their old Fix the agreement mistake
the older
age
. Firstly
, old men require
to be aware of their Wrong verb form
are required
health
, including mental health
. when they become senile, all of their children might leave them, besides
they feel loneliness leading to miscellaneous mental diseases like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Correct word choice
and
As well as
, having fragile bones, the elders have to bear motions. Additionally
, an amount of pension is not sufficient for bearing an effective life for some reasons like inflation and stagnation. For instance
, imposing sanctions, hyperinflation
Correct word choice
and hyperinflation
has
clouded my country for many years for those who have a quite of jobs in order to meet their basic needs.
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
on the other hand
, there is a disadvantage. old
Correct your spelling
Old
age
people
do not have the stamina and resilience like their young age
,therefore
they need to spend their time with family and rest more because if they took on novel responsibilities and difficult jobs , it would be possible that their health
might be threatened readily.
as outlined above, people
should have a job during the
time, Correct your spelling
that
although
the old generation has to heed their potential and abilities to choose a light work since they are able to make interaction and enhance their health
level plus boost their spirits.Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt well and takes a clear stance on the issue. However, try to ensure that your arguments are structured more logically. Starting with clear topic sentences for each paragraph will help organize your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas. For example, phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'furthermore' can help the reader follow your argument structure better. Additionally, providing a clearer introduction and conclusion can strengthen your essay structure.
task response
You have presented a balanced view and acknowledged the counter-argument which enriches your essay.
task response
You have provided relevant examples from your experience, which is great. This enhances the richness of your content and supports your arguments effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.