THe chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.

#show #percentage #water #purpose #six #areas #world

The charts illustrate the percentage of water used in 3

sectors

relavant

Correct your spelling

relevant

to human activities, in 6 different countries of the world.

Overall

, there are 3

sectors

of human activities that

use

water, consisting of Industrial, Agricultural and Domestic

use

. It is

obviouse

Correct your spelling

obvious

that

Agricultural

Replace the word

agriculture

show examples

is the

higher

Correct word choice

highest

show examples

use

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of those different areas,

while

Domestic is the lowest

use

in every single

countries

Change to a singular noun

country

show examples

. The amount of water used for

Agricultural

Replace the word

agriculture

show examples

had a higher number, compared to

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

two

sectors

. Especially Africa, Central Asia, South East Asia and South America

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

used 84

percent

, 88

percent

, 81

percent

, and 71

percent

By contrast

, Domestic is the lowest

use

compare to 3

sectors

, the percentage is only 7

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

to 19

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

in every

areas

Change to a singular noun

area

show examples

Besides

that industrial is one of the

sectors

that depends on the country,

for instance

North America is 48

percent

while

in Central Asia

use

foe Industrial only 5

percent

Submitted by dondollaraus on Tue Sep 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, use, percent with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

155 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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THe chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shoppings centres or malls to do their shoping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?