IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

THe chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.

THe chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.
#show #percentage #water #purpose #six #areas #world
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The charts illustrate the percentage of water used in 3
sectors
Use synonyms
,
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 to human activities, in 6 different countries of the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 3
sectors
Use synonyms
 of human activities that
use
Use synonyms
 water, consisting of Industrial, Agricultural and Domestic
use
Use synonyms
. It is
obviouse
Correct your spelling
obvious
 that
Agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
 is the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 in
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of those different areas,
while
Linking Words
 Domestic is the lowest
use
Use synonyms
 in every single
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. The amount of water used for
Agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
 had a higher number, compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
sectors
Use synonyms
. Especially Africa, Central Asia, South East Asia and South America
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used 84
percent
Use synonyms
, 88
percent
Use synonyms
, 81
percent
Use synonyms
, and 71
percent
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Domestic is the lowest
use
Use synonyms
 compare to 3
sectors
Use synonyms
, the percentage is only 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 19
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in every
areas
Change to a singular noun
area
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that industrial is one of the
sectors
Use synonyms
 that depends on the country,
for instance
Linking Words
 North America is 48
percent
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in Central Asia
use
Use synonyms
 foe Industrial only 5
percent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, use, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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