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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed and opened in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opened and closed
shops
Use synonyms
amount
Use synonyms
 decreased
given
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the period and both of
figures
Correct article usage
the figures
show examples
seen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated.
However
Linking Words
,
opened
Correct article usage
the opened
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
amount
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sharply fell compared to closed
shops
Use synonyms
, approximately 5500
shops
Use synonyms
. Closed
shops
Use synonyms
amount
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 began
6500
Change preposition
at 6500
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 figure peaked in 2013
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 over 7000. After that, in 2015 closed
shops
Use synonyms
 hit a low of, under
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1000. In 2016, there was a significant
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 closed
shops
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure increased
Change preposition
by
show examples
just over 5000 and
last
Linking Words
 three years
amount
Use synonyms
 of closed
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
seen plateou
Verb problem
has decreased
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opened
shops
Use synonyms
amount
Use synonyms
 start with 8500 and
this
Linking Words
 was a peaked
amount
Use synonyms
. In 2012 opened closed
amount
Use synonyms
 contributed 4000 and from 2012 to 2014
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 gradually increased and reached just over 6000. In 20115,
opened
Verb problem
the number of
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
amount
Use synonyms
 declined and reached
exact
Add an article
the exact
show examples
 figure in 2012, which is 4000. From 2015 to 2017 opened
shops
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady and final year
amount
Use synonyms
 of opened
shops
Use synonyms
 decreased from 4000 to 3000.
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 11 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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