Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Hobbies are a great way to pass leisure
time
. According to
some folks, individual
should Add an article
an individual
the individual
spent
their free Change the verb form
spend
time
in
reading stories rather than watching programs on television or playing video Change preposition
apply
games
. I,
agree partially with the statement and the reasons behind my support will be discussed in the impending paragraphs.
Remove the comma
apply
To begin
with, there are numerous benefits of spending time
with books as it helps in improving vocabulary alongwith
reading skills. Correct your spelling
along with
As when
a person reads any book they come across new words which Change preposition
When
enhances
their knowledge. Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
Additionally
, it would reduce the exposure of screen time
on juvenile's eyes which will hence
be protected from harmful radiations emitting from tv and computer screens. Moreover
, it would give an individual, a change from
his hectic Change preposition
apply
schedules
. For kids, Fix the agreement mistake
schedule
story books
give them Correct your spelling
storybooks
chance
to learn something on moral grounds.
On the flip side, watching Correct article usage
a chance
tv
shows and playing computer Correct your spelling
TV
games
tends to be more attractive and lure people to spend their free times
in front of the screen. Most of the people Fix the agreement mistake
time
seems
to find them more interesting and fascinating as compared to boring reading. To add more, the wide variety of programs and Change the verb form
seem
games
seems more appealing and
as Correct word choice
apply
mostly
people Correct your spelling
most
wants
to spend their leisure Change the verb form
want
time
in
doing some sort of entertainment and not Change preposition
apply
in
learning new Change preposition
apply
word
.
Fix the agreement mistake
words
Although
, both has
their own pros Change the verb form
have
but
I still find reading books more intriguing than playing video Remove the conjunction
apply
games
or watching tv
.Correct your spelling
TV
Submitted by kaur75971 on
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General
Improve vocabulary and grammar to make your writing more polished and formal.
Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that is directly related to the question. Avoid generalizations and stay focused on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more connective words and phrases to enhance the flow of the text, such as 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' and 'in conclusion.'
Task Response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Instead of saying 'it helps in improving vocabulary,' you could give an example of how reading a particular book improved your own vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on logical structure to ensure that arguments are developed smoothly and logically from one paragraph to the next. Make sure each paragraph links clearly to the main topic.
General
Good effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Task Response
Attempts to explain benefits and drawbacks of both reading books and engaging with screen-based activities, demonstrating a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of phrases like 'to begin with' and 'on the flip side' helps to signal the structure of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion provides a clear summary of your viewpoint. Keep working on making it even more concise and impactful.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.