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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fast food advertisements can be found on TV and throughout social media, which tempts people to eat unhealthy food. Should fast food be banned

#food #advertisements #tv #media #people
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In the modern era, the popularity of fast
food
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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surged through widespread advertisement and has penetrated into
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
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 lifestyles as well.
Due to
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 the fact that it has numerous drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
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people
Use synonyms
’s health, it is argued that forbidding it would help to propagate healthy lifestyles among
people
Use synonyms
 .
However
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, I believe that it could not be a practical idea to incentivize
people
Use synonyms
 to eliminate it and
also
Linking Words
 it would be accompanied by disadvantages too. Being opposite of human
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 is the first reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 deterring fast
food
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 from prevalence. Banning fast
food
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 denotes that humans are not able to decide properly for themselves and eliminate their broad options to opt
their
Change preposition
for their
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favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 foods and
consequently
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 their lifestyles. To put it differently, it is interfering
in
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with
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 their manners of
lives
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life
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.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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, incorporated
travelers
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travellers
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 and employees, have to consume fast
food
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due to
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 the lack of time.
In addition
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 to fast
food
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 known as a healthy feature in the world, there are other mediums that have
disaster
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disastrous
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 effects on
human
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humans
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such
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 as cell phones, alcohol and even the Internet.
That is
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, considering
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 sides of everything
so
Correct word choice
apply
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all things should be banned.
Additionally
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, it would be
along with
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 economic side effects.
This
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 type of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 is widely prevalent in every country in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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preventing restaurants from producing them would cause numerous challenges,
such
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 as increasing unemployment rate and bankruptcy.
For example
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, companies which
producing
Wrong verb form
produce
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 ready-cooked meals, which involve a type of fast
food
Use synonyms
, employ approximately 1000 employees per each. Shutting these companies lead to recession and a myriad of jobless civilians in that country.
In addition
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 to social challenges,
fast
Add an article
the fast
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food
Use synonyms
 industry is effective in different areas
such
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 as advertisement and delivery companies
as well as
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 hygiene
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 which annually impose a huge tax on them.
Consequently
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, banning them would
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 a negative
aspect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 on governments too. In conclusion, the fact that fast
food
Use synonyms
 is one of the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
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 foods in the world is undeniable. Despite the fact that it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
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 humans’ health, banning it would be accompanied by financial
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for
people
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 and governments.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s freedom to select their
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical errors. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which affects readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link ideas more clearly and logically across paragraphs to improve overall flow.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, include data or case studies to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and explained for greater clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, making a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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