IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Fast food advertisements can be found on TV and throughout social media, which tempts people to eat unhealthy food. Should fast food be banned

#food #advertisements #tv #media #people
In the modern era, the popularity of fast
food
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
surged through widespread advertisement and has penetrated into
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
show examples
 lifestyles as well.
Due to
 the fact that it has numerous drawbacks
on
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to
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people
’s health, it is argued that forbidding it would help to propagate healthy lifestyles among
people
 .
However
, I believe that it could not be a practical idea to incentivize
people
 to eliminate it and
also
 it would be accompanied by disadvantages too. Being opposite of human
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 is the first reason
of
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for
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 deterring fast
food
 from prevalence. Banning fast
food
 denotes that humans are not able to decide properly for themselves and eliminate their broad options to opt
their
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for their
show examples
favorite
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favourite
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 foods and
consequently
 their lifestyles. To put it differently, it is interfering
in
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with
show examples
 their manners of
lives
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life
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.
Furthermore
, some
people
, incorporated
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 and employees, have to consume fast
food
due to
 the lack of time.
In addition
 to fast
food
 known as a healthy feature in the world, there are other mediums that have
disaster
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disastrous
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 effects on
human
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humans
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such
 as cell phones, alcohol and even the Internet.
That is
, considering
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 sides of everything
so
Correct word choice
apply
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all things should be banned.
Additionally
, it would be
along with
 economic side effects.
This
 type of
foods
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food
show examples
 is widely prevalent in every country in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
preventing restaurants from producing them would cause numerous challenges,
such
 as increasing unemployment rate and bankruptcy.
For example
, companies which
producing
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produce
show examples
 ready-cooked meals, which involve a type of fast
food
, employ approximately 1000 employees per each. Shutting these companies lead to recession and a myriad of jobless civilians in that country.
In addition
 to social challenges,
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
 industry is effective in different areas
such
 as advertisement and delivery companies
as well as
 hygiene
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 which annually impose a huge tax on them.
Consequently
, banning them would
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a negative
aspect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on governments too. In conclusion, the fact that fast
food
 is one of the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 foods in the world is undeniable. Despite the fact that it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humans’ health, banning it would be accompanied by financial
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for
people
 and governments.
Furthermore
, it is against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s freedom to select their
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical errors. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which affects readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link ideas more clearly and logically across paragraphs to improve overall flow.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, include data or case studies to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and explained for greater clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, making a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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