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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date open, km of routes, and passagers numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date open, km of routes, and passagers numbers per year in millions.
#data #railway #systems #six #cities #date #km #routes #passagers #numbers #year #millions
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The table gives information regarding subway
railway
 systems in six capital cities, including the
year
 open,
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of route, and number of
passengers
 units
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
year
 in million.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 both
London
 and Paris have the oldest
railway
 systems
whereas
Los
 Angeles has a more recent one.
London
's underground
system
 has the longest routes in
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 compared to
Kyoto
.
In addition
,
Kyoto
 has the least number of
passengers
 each
year
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
show examples
 to Tokyo with the most
passengers
. In regard to
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 each
railway
open
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
,
London
's underground
system
 is the oldest being opened in 1863,
as well as
 Paris'
system
 which was initiated in 1900.
On the other hand
, the
railway
system
 of
Los
Angles
Correct your spelling
Angeles
show examples
 is much more modern being opened in 2001.
Moreover
,
London
's
railway
 has the longest route with 394
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 in comparison to both
Kyoto
 and
Los
 Angeles which have the shortest with 11 and 28
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 respectively. In terms of
passengers
 per
year
, Tokyo's underground
system
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the highest number with 1928
passengers
 per
year
; in opposite to both
Kyoto
 and
Los
 Angeles which have the lowest numbers with 95
passengers
 collectively.
Submitted by remasalotaibi678 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, year, kilometers, passengers, london, los, system, kyoto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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