IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that supermarkets should have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging for products they sell. Others say it is the resposibility of the consumers to avoid such products. Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #supermarkets #responsibility #amount #products #resposibility #consumers
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It is highly debatable nowadays, that the packaging of
products
 affects the
enviornemnt
Correct your spelling
environment
 enormously. The argument is who is responsible for
this
, manufacturers and
supermarkets
 or the consumers. In the below essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and present my view. On one side, many argue that
supermarkets
 should bear the
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and must decrease the amount of
packagaing
Correct your spelling
packaging
 for the goods they are selling.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
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being
Wrong verb form
is
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, they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
, displaying the
products
 in their stores to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers. If they will move towards sustainable
approcah
Correct your spelling
approach
 which will be using bio-degradable
products
.
This
 will benefit the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and
further
 incentivize the manufacturer to adopt
greener
Correct article usage
a greener
show examples
 and renewable approach
while
 packing the
products
.
For instance
, some grocery chains have adopted
Correct article usage
a bulk
show examples
bulk buying
Add a hyphen
bulk-buying
show examples
 approach to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste. On the other side, it comes to the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of the buyers of the
products
. Consumers should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 towards eco-friendly packaging.
Hence
, support the manufacturer and the supplier.
For example
,
customers
 must go for recycled packaging or
resuable
Correct your spelling
reusable
 bags.
This
 approach will give the
supermarkets
 an idea about their consumer's
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
, which will assist them
to make
Change preposition
in making
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 their decisions.
Also
, by making conscious decisions about their purchases
customers
 can drive demand for sustainable
products
.
According to
 my perspective, the decision of reducing waste and promoting a greener
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 goes hand in hand. The
customers
 and
supermarkets
 collaboratively contribute to
this
 factor.
Although
, the onus largely falls on the manufacturers and
supermarkets
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
customers
 contribute significantly by making their decisions.
Thus
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parties should come forward and put their efforts
to foster
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into fostering
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 a change in
the
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apply
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society.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

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language
Work on improving language accuracy to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors such as 'enviornemnt' instead of 'environment' and 'responsibilty' instead of 'responsibility'.
task achievement
Ensure all points are well-supported with more specific examples and explanations. This will help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and includes a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with ideas flowing smoothly from one paragraph to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable packaging
  • bulk buying
  • environmentally friendly
  • power of choice
  • regulatory bodies
  • mandate
  • incentives
  • collaborative efforts
  • reusable containers
  • reduction in packaging waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: