IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of nations are suffering from
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 causing
plothera
Correct your spelling
plethora
 of
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am
explain
Wrong verb form
explaining
show examples
 some major
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 happen with
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle and providing some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 that can help to control
this
Linking Words
 major concern.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, obesity is one of the major
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 modern lifestyle. Modern technology is making forks more
lathergic
Correct your spelling
lethargic
 and lazy.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of
toronto
Change the capitalization
Toronto
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data in which they
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 the percentage of overweight people
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 by 11% in 2024
comparied
Correct your spelling
compared
 to 2021.
Hence
Linking Words
, obesity is becoming the biggest
problem
Use synonyms
 for major health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Additional
Change the word
Additionally
show examples
, another important factor of modern
life
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
the overusage
show examples
overusage
Correct your spelling
overuse
 of
moblie
Correct your spelling
mobile
 which
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 the human body
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 numerous ways.
For example
Linking Words
, it
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 the eye side of forks
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age and
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to a serious
problem
Use synonyms
. In recent studies, Time of
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
,
70
Correct word choice
that 70
show examples
% of children
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
eye glasses
Correct your spelling
eyeglasses
show examples
 in their teenage.
Body paragraph 3
To protect
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
 major
problem
Use synonyms
, people should start changing their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Individual
Add an article
An individual
The individual
show examples
 should not
start
Add the particle
start to
show examples
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 their whole chores on electronic
devies
Correct your spelling
devices
.
For example
Linking Words
, less usage of
moble
Correct your spelling
mobile
show examples
 helps to stay active which can help to control their obesity
problem
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 helps to control
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
 issues.
Conclusion
In my opinion, modern
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 helps to make human
life
Use synonyms
 easy, but
overusage
Correct your spelling
overuse
 of any things
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, work on developing a clearer logical structure for your essay. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce each paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully and clearly explained. Some ideas in your essay lack development and clarity.
task achievement
Pay attention to your use of examples. Make sure they are clearly connected to the point you are trying to make.
language accuracy
Working on your grammar and vocabulary will help improve the overall clarity and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main points you are making.
task achievement
You address multiple aspects of the topic, including both problems and potential solutions, which shows a comprehensive approach.
task achievement
Your examples, although needing clearer connection, show that you are attempting to support your points with concrete evidence.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • chronic diseases
  • mental health
  • stress management
  • substance abuse
  • coping mechanisms
  • sleep disorders
  • preventive measures
  • public health initiatives
  • wellness programs
  • health education
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